my life ....
Sometimes I laugh at myself thinking why am I so kind and stupid ?
When i broke up with him he started crying. He cheated on me , lied to me , played with my feelings , used me , broke my heart like anything but still I was the one consoling him when he cried. I hugged him when he was crying ....
When we had to leave I asked him to come with me ... I didn't want him to stay there alone ... I drove with him to his home to make sure he does not wander here and there.
After reaching my home I called him and asked him - "anu, Rona nahi ... Tum theek ho?"
He said - nahi to rha... Theek nhi hu
Me - mt ro please ... Ghar jao... Bahar nhi ghumo....
may optimism sink in
my soul absorb it
my mind gets washed by it
and my life blossoms
Please god help me .... I am in total mess.... I don't know what to do .... How to forget what happened with me ..... I don't wanna cry more .....
I wake up each day with swollen eyes .... I tried keeping myself busy but nothing worked ....
Help me god ..... I need your help :'(
Reeza reeza kr sameta hai Maine apne andar tuta wo shaks
Now whenever I rewind each day spent with him I feel dumb and stupid .... All of it was a lie ... He did not deserve to be trusted ... He did not deserve to be loved....
Bohot gussa ata hai ..... No one can imagine the amount of hatred and anger I have inside me.
Sometimes I just wanna cry and let it all out ... But I just wanna preserve this anger.....
happy new year anand
cheating on a girl is deeper than people realize. it destroys her outlook on love, her future relationships and her peace within herself.
it was nice to hear from you after such a long time ..... you still say you love me a lot but i don't know if i will ever be able to forgive you and forget what you did.
hii anand :)
happy birthday :)
this day is very special for me .... two very important people in my life are celebrating :) my brother for his graduation and awards , and you 3 for this beautiful birthday
it is difficult to live without you both but i am learning slowly...
i don't wanna die a failure .... i failed in friendship, i failed in love, failed in getting a good college ....
what the fuck ! what wrong did i do!!
fuck man! fuuuuuuucccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
congratulations anand , you won the all india tournament! god bless you :-)
you know you truly love someone when you can't hate them for hurting you...
mai rahu ya na rahu tu mujh me kahi baaki rehna...
i love you like a mother loves her baby ... my love is as pure as the first morning dew ... i don't understand what made you cheat me ... i loved you unconditionally ... but never knew that u would replace me with stupid girls looking for sex on dating sites ..
why did u break my trust anand? i gave you the most crucial days of my life . the days in which i had to take major decisions ... those decisions which could swirl my life completely. you never gave a single thought to it? i gave you the time that i can never ever get back .
well ... i am really stupid but i am not afraid to admit that i love u still. you know, i got ditched by my closest of friends so many times that i completely lost hope that i would ever trust anybody again. but then found you ,i trusted you ... i gave u whatever i could...u were my life ... u were my everything.
now when u lied , betrayed , cheated .... i might never trust anyone in my life again. my heart has become too fragile now. i can't take more blows. but u still are in my heart .... i remember the way we used to talk ... the "gun-wali-hug" hahaha ----:)-----
i miss you yaar
i will always love you
why did u do this to me?
the worst thing in life is not being able to tell anyone anything. i can't share my issues with anyone neither my parents nor my siblings/friends. all i could do is sit with a heavy painful heart ... cry in a corner ... gulp down the pain and fake a smile.
nothing is okay.... i wish i could be like people who just don't care and move on easily. i wish i had the audacity to hurt someone and call it even. i wish i had the courage to let my love go ... but i can't. revenge is not my nature.
i wish i had not loved so much .... i myself am the reason for my failures. i gave him so much of my time that i don't even exist to him now. i wish i had the courage to treat him the way he treats me.
i am so bloody sad inside that i can't even fake a smile anymore.
huh...it's diwali .... can't imagine how my life has turned all grey and gloomy. i just don't feel like doing anything. all the escape mechanisms are exhausted and i lay here writing this diary entry.
happy diwali anand ...
i went for shopping today. it was less of shopping and more of an escape mechanism. otherwise i would have spent most of my day crying and thinking about him . i sometimes wonder if he also feels the same? does he ever think of me? does he ever miss me? ...
i was looking at the lights, diyas, rangoli, flowers and stuff trying to feel happy but i knew that my heart is sad. dresses, cosmetics, shades, jewelry nothing looked tempting. when we were together and things were just fine i used to look at each thing in the market with such gleaming eyes ... took so much interest in buying new and interesting stuff for the sole purpose of telling anand what all i bought and planned to buy.
with a crying heart i managed to stick a smile on my face. the bags were heavy but not as heavy as my heart, almost at the verge of bursting...
i wait for his message everyday ... i dont know why but it still gently caresses my heart giving a feeling that cannot be expressed in words. i loved him insanely... and will always do.
anand got selected .... he will represent India in Shri Lanka :-)
happy for him :)
all the best :)
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