Ankita's Diary

Ankita's Diary

Open diary

Emotions coming out as words.

18 years old, Female, United Kingdom

Diary Entries (2)

Dec 17th, 2013 11:49 PM

Big Fat wedding:

1) For me who is getting married, when they are getting married, where they are getting married matters but the most important aspect for me is FOOD. Yes, I love food and I am really interested on the menu. I practically walked in to the food section directly without even seeing the bride or the groom. Yes, this is why I am plus size, I can’t say no to tasty food and when somebody tells me about a marriage I can only think about food.

2) Always means always when I need to go to a marriage ceremony and I pull my jeans up because I am extremely comfortable in it, my mom will be like “ Yeah yeah why will you dress up now? When you need to hang out with your friends you will walk out looking like a heroine” and I will be shifting from jeans to salwar in a jiffy because my mom will have that sad expression on her face which I really can’t see. Mom please stop doing this to your daughter. I am not disrespecting Indian wear but I am really not comfortable in it. I feel like a robot that needs to take care of every action.

3) I have those heavy earrings hanging from my ear holes paining like hell because I don’t wear any earrings or any sort of accessories until and unless there is an occasion and wearing a salwar, looking just the way my mom wants me to look like and you don’t have paneer and chicken in your menu and I stand there with fried rice on my plate really piss me off. Yes, I don’t like mutton curry; I have a problem with the smell. Bengali people please understand there are chicken lovers here.

4) Practically speaking I have a very big family from both my mom’s and dad’s side. More or less, I know my mom’s family but except few cousins of mine from dad’s family I know nobody. So what happened is I went to a marriage two years back and learnt that my cousin sister is getting married, who is by blood connection very close to me and I really didn’t have any idea what her name is and most importantly there were like so many people out there who all are related to me by my blood and I was smiling to them awkwardly when they were smiling at me with the look “oh-she-grew-up”. Common I don’t have any idea who you people are please come and introduce yourself, maybe I saw you 15 years back don’t expect me to remember you.

5) My cousin sister from mom’s family getting married is a huge deal for me. I really can’t put a full stop to my feelings because I am always so excited about everything. So, when we decide to wear saree and look extremely beautiful. My hair ditches me like anything and the most important fact I have a bad shoulder so the pallu of my saree and the blouse is always drooping. Man, I am seriously fed up and it is really very embarrassing. Please put a brick on my shoulder and stop that pallu from falling. Everybody else looks so perfect and I am like oh my god I don’t understand what to do. Trust me I have more than 1k pictures of mine on my laptop but you won’t get one picture of mine from any of my cousin’s marriage because I always look like a shit.

6) Bengali people stop talking about the jewellery the bride is wearing. I mean I really don’t understand this concept why you always need to talk about the jewellery. Is it like the theme of the marriage? Or the necklace she is wearing is a magnet and you are the iron? Please elaborate.

7) Listen I am practically a very bad dancer, I can’t handle my saree I could feel it is going below the waistline and you pull me up to dance on a Bengali song I really never heard before, can I just stop embarrassing myself? Like really, let me just sit back and have some pakoras. I feel extremely content like this.

My cousins are in serious relationship they call their boyfriends, shy a bit, giggle a lot and I am like eyeing the waiter because he is going around with the diet coke glasses on the tray.
9) The best thing I like in a marriage is the whole family thingy, they come together. They share the love, they express their feelings and I am like “wao” I love it like this because for some time the family issues just gets vanished and it is so nice to see everybody together.

10) Two souls getting together is a really nice concept and the celebration is so huge. But for some people who are subjected to child marriage or who are being forced to get married, it really doesn’t go well with me. I mean stop it. You are practically ruining somebody’s life. You can’t just like walk in and say “you are getting married and you don’t have the authority to question me back” . I plead you people don’t screw up anybody’s life.

Dec 17th, 2013 05:28 AM

....Be a girl...for a month...!

Dear Boys…

Whoever consider girls as dumb why don’t you take a closer look of our life once and place yourself in our place for a month…

Why don’t you take the pain of crying your heart out at the middle of the night by digging your face in the pillow, just coz the whole world fails to understand their pain?

Why don’t you pull down a nice dress, and place in high heels and go around more than 5 hours.

Why don’t you go for shopping for your whole family? Do you have the time for that?

Why don’t you go and learn how to cook, and spend hours in the kitchen in the heat ?

Why don’t you go through the stomach pain every month which is the prove of non-pregnant status in a girl’s life?

Why don’t you go carry the baby in your womb for 9 months and experience the pain of skin getting stretched out?

Why don’t you through humiliation which is named as ’ MOLESTATION’ but still it’s the girl who is to be blamed for every thing.

Why don’t you go through the ignorance which leads to loud cry,and you people often label it as DRAMA.

Boys, its not drama, it’ the hidden pain in our hearts.

Our life is not easy, as you think.

It’s more than difficult.

But all you people know is to tag us with ‘BIMBO’, ‘DUMB’ and ‘DRAMA QUEEN’

why don’t you just take a chance to take a closer view of our life?

That’s when you will be able to figure out our life-style.

Don’t judge us according to your mentality.

We are somebody more than dad’s princess.

And Girls, YOU are BEAUTIFUL

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