Beach side under trees 's Diary

Beach side under trees 's Diary

Open diary

SUN always rises.. Always...

23 years old, Male, Malgudi

Diary Entries (84)

Feb 26th, 2020 11:45 PM

i just read that last entry and came to know..

shit in my mind is still somewhere the same... but giggles... :D

thats' why poets are complicated people with an extra complicated minds and nothing but normal situations... it's just that they are good at story telling......

oyeee!! yha sab sach hai!!! :D :D :D :D




Do you know we are making a book!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

Feb 26th, 2020 11:40 PM

Missing me...
am i lacking in you???
so many synonyms?? but you know me!!!

yes!! yes!! yes!!

lets' copy an entry from the past here...
before that let me tell you something....
things with me were not going well or that's how i perceived i guess!!

i'm such an a--hole at times... but you know that as well....


so here goes nothing... :D :D :D :D

5/9/2019
if i got to know the trust between us won't be affected by the words and frequencies of the mind...
it's just stabilize now... i know i trust... and it's so selfless somewhere which hides my endless amount of love....

but i can't make poems now!!! that's sad....... :( :D :D :D :D :D :D

what rubbish i am talking....
it's not somewhere where i know i don't go by my mind always or my mind doesn't goes with me all the time...
the fear of not believing myself... or the fear of believing someone else inside...
comes to surface when i am off to bed and in the partial sleep i am talking to myself and the more deep it goes...
thoughts become visuals... and that's it.... most of the time i just don't want to remember them...
and what to write when it's so much...
what philosophical should i write when it doesn't comes with spoilers... or definitions... or it just there each and every second... dying... reviving.. and words fall short to describe this strange feeling in me.. which is me.. and which isn't...
and i crushed between yes and noossss.....
i don't know myself... then how could i hold...
just a light of trust sharing with you...
i only stare the light to feel "keep quiet"...
only to write this to show... poet inside me will never go...

haaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaa :D

that's a smart ending... ;) isn't it...
i just so in love with myself at times... but less than the love it has for you...
i'm in love with loving you....
so much of love that it won't chatter when it know it's there... i know it now.. the light is pure...













you want more??? ahemm mm??? :D :D :D

looks like someone is staring at my diary through that tiny opening that i left open, intentionally but zero expectations and intentions about anything but to let to you.. just how crazy and poetic i have drawn myself on this life.. what's reflected was out of the mind or sight... can't tell you...

things are waaaay more complicated diary....
we are growing up....

i don't know i should be smiling.. laughing or what...
but again here goes nothing.... just like breath... an action.... and love to you and all........

why am i like this!!! :D :D :D :D

goodnight.. :*

Dec 21th, 2017 02:55 AM

hey diary!! i really dont know what was on my mind that time i wrote 20th nov jabki it was today only!!
well del to kar nhi rha usse mein ab!!

diary life has been so great to me!! i have always loved my people and i still do!!
from the start my parents.. my whole family.. my brother.. my friends.. my crushes.. my ex.. and now few people who are putting their everything for me.. their time.. their skills and expertise.. even money!! -- i got my first salary jabki abhi ek hi week hua hai.

ya so where we were.. yes life!! all the people above loves me a lot diary.. they have been so concern that i really cant express. this is touchy diary.. they have been all around me... surrounded me.. for my good..

at times when i gathered all my love and tried to express my ocean by relating them to Jesus. but few friends took it from money to luxury sedans.
honestly i realized it yesterday when i was trying to make myself happy and dance on that song. but i was blaming myself again..

i just want to say that ki i was and i am all positive for you and everyone.. as i had.
diary if my people have doubts.. anything.. i hope they say it as it is. each one from my inside has all the rights asking me.. anytime.. because let me tell all of them that i still love you and have huge respect for you all!!

Dec 20th, 2017 10:21 AM

Wrote this on 20 Nov 4:06 am



Hey diary!! Hey!!
Today, I love you really more than i love myself and my life over a period of time that made me overthink.. and overthink and overthink.. and I am all whole cracked.. cried but see your hero is not broken yet!! It's beating!!
Your hero has always believed in himself.
Believe in love..
Believe in trust..
Believe in you diary..

Its really sad to tell you diary that I don't know why my mind is still feeling boundaries.. but i can really write freely now...
And now that I have touched you so just a bit of time and we will be sailing again..
Really sorry diary that I was not with you in my tuff times as I never wanted to write anything negative and if I do you know I end that with positive.
But it was not positive. Once i thought that I am overthinking. I slapped and convinced myself over and over again but today!!

I just didn't want to escape from it!!

And diary if you do escape.. then you are the biggest coward!! Specially when you haven't done anything!!

But you know me diary!!

You know how much I love myself!! And i can't explain how much proud I am feeling to write this entry and all previous entries on you and your siblings!!


It's a different phase of my life diary!! Lets hit the thumbprints to a new place.

Sep 11th, 2017 1:08 PM

i think the purpose of this part is complete..

Diary, don't you want me to tell them that i have been writing you from a few months.

yes!!! I am all delighted. All good. All way light... All the way i should.. it could.. we would.. be meeting again... and again... aaaaaaaaaaannd aaagaainnnnnnnn.... ;)

Aww!! I am so delighted..

Nov 24th, 2016 4:50 PM

just stay there.. holding up.. the call.. the heart.. the body.. but where is the soul??


diary m still alive.. but still the rush is incomplete...


just pour it with a smile and believe on me...

as life has crushed me, its gettin more hectic and irritating.. having patience but still get caught but anxiety attacks sometimes... i mean kinda like that...
i fear of breaking down...
but don't worry when the shell will crack!! only love will hatch!!

i wish i could express it all... huh,,

keep missing me.. and my fingerprints...


Me too!!!



Oct 06th, 2016 10:41 PM

Hol....
Dairy- who the hell lets you in..

Me:- but!!..

Diary:- now what you came for!!

Me:- i am sorry!! Things fckd up a bit.. Lost senses at a moment. Stood up again.. And m climbing it all to reach beside you.. Lil more time.. And that trust.. With you super disturbing poweres!!

Diary:- huh!!! Miss you...

Me:- i know you are brave!! :-P

Bi.. Seeya!!

Jul 13th, 2016 00:51 AM

Hmm i m late.. I know..

Wont u hug me??

I ll come to you soon..

I will discuss it all..

With new styles, new lines, new words and same old mind powering my brain n heart..

Alot to tell u..

I dont want u to see my face now!! There is alot to be happen and i want to come back woth my full energy n feelings

I respect u diary and i promise i ll come..

Hope u wud wait.. ❤️

Mar 31th, 2016 01:41 AM

Though reading some of the last post!!

How much a person can think??

Like anywhere

Hmmm

I think alot right!!

Hmm the readers must have noticed this!!😀😀😀😀

Well!! My diary my rules!!

But still diary lil tension about the placements as these days are going like hell!!

N today paras won the first prize in solo singing
He won some cash too
N we fcking party!!

Soo today's day was cool!!

Felt happy when he got the prize n i made an awesome video of him!!

Yup he deserve it!

Hmm some pujabi artist also came at night
N as expected i didn't went there!!

If its loud!! It should be good music!!
Not bullshit!!

Mar 31th, 2016 01:31 AM

I m soo tired as anuj ko bhi clg drop karna tha n we met aftr 4 days so it exceeded a lil bit
Clg was nice too
Group k sath went some cafe
Ate
Drinked

But right one i just wanba confess one thing

-Fish!! How she can do this!!!

*Sometime later

-No, she didnt!!

😂😂😂😂😂

It wasnt related to day though,
I can say it as "kuch bhi"
You ok??

Mar 28th, 2016 02:38 AM

Diary aisa kyu hai

Why i always fall on the simplicity
(hmm i am also decent..)
Always fall on the kiddish
(M also kiddish)
Always fall on the participating
(Ye bhi mein hun)
Always fall on the dreamers
(Mein kuch zayda hi hun)
Always fall on the talkative
(Ha mein hun if i know you or want to)
Always fall on the sincere
(Ptanhi ye mein hun ya nhi
Shayd nhi!!)
Always fall on the who never wants to leave even in first
(Hmm yaha pe agar samne vale mein upar vali qualities hain toh kyu nhi!!)
And always fall on whom i start talking to and i want to and the person want to and want to.. Wanna know all about you..
Yes!!

There are very few people that i like..
And jinke leye bhi fall hota hun, vo alag se hi dekhte hai crowd mein..
First word they speak and i capture them..
Then all on how they take the talk..
And how they show lil curiosity to know
And fun to talk
And listening you carefully and giving positive response like smile n something lol
And
Friendly
And not leaving you alone, saying to say with the group
And participating
(Ok ye bta diya)
And jab ap jaa rhe ho
Nice to meet khe n khe fir mileinge


Ok!! Now main point!!
Jha pe bhi mene fall likha hai
Vha bas like lga do
Yes!!

Aaj ek marriage mein gya tha
Vha found a waving friend
And didn't talked much
But she was worth telling you diary cz upar jo bhi likha hai..
Hmm samjh gaye..
Hmm aacha

Yeah!! You ll not think much esley sab bta dia
Fall nhi like!!

And abhi diary mene likhne se phele socha
Ki mujhe ek person ko apna real part banane k leye what my inner likes the most in their inner.
And i m ask to myself that do you know k vo simple hain ya act kr rhe hai!!
Well real true!! I mean diamond true is always shining!!!
Yup!!

Well my heart is not in a sad state now!!!
Bas starting staring mein
Vo bhi wasnt in pressure
Wasnt stopping my self for anything
Was smiling

And jo ki heart toh perfect hai!!
But relationship mein aane ka mann nhi hai!!

Ha etna pakka hai ki agar milta rha esse by chance n we talked again

Toh kal kisne dekha hai!!

Vaise mujhe lgta nhi!!

As a person she is nice!!
And
Its not fall vall
Its all like general like cz she has all the upper qualities n so very visible in lil first meet..
And etna zayda pta chal gya..
Though abhi abhi bhot kaam hai still.. First k hisab se i ll rate it 4/5.

Mujhe 5/5 vala feel bhi nhi hota!!

Hmm kuch nhi just listening music in lappy!!
Yup windows 10 in my thinkpad!!

Ess lappy ki bhi mene maar li!!
Feels sad!!

Savanna-kygo is making me forget all the sad right now!!
I m in good mood!!
And aaj diary likh rha hun shayd esleye..
Aise type kar kar ke btane mein as if its real that i am talking to someone i can show my 100% inner..
And you are my mirror diary!!

You are my proof!!

Hmm do i talk emotional??
And I dont know!!

And again true real people

Examples??

If a person lies in my heart
That person isnt an example

That person is an inspiration!!

Its not like they should hav all the above qualities
I said simple cz who will like the show off in the first meet..

And baki whatever the nature they hav
Whatever they talk
That should be real n free!!

I mean this simple!!

Aare inspiration!!
Unhe bhulne ka mauka hi nhi milta
Vo dekhte rhete hai har dream mein kabhi shuru kabhi beech mein kabhi jab mile vha e new dream

They are the people who loves me unconditionally

Real thing i mean!!
My parents
My friends
My whole family


Yeah!!

Family contains all!!


Ohh hmm kuch din se frustration hui vhi thi..
Aaj dairy thda khul k likhi h!!

Hmm abhi fir yaad agya about the present!!

Hmm!!

Hojayega sab theek!!
Lag jayegi naukri!!
I know you are capable!!
But i want more!!

Hmm!!

Thanx to the person!! Jisse ki mein apni diary khul k likh paya aftr so long!!

Its good to share!!
Always feel light!!


Mar 26th, 2016 11:25 PM

I want to come to you when m happy or trying to make me happy or anything good i m goona do or bad in which i can see me clam n waiting!!

Bt presently

Dont ask!!

Mar 26th, 2016 11:21 PM

All the time to share..

Inside in inside..

Sorting all the stuff in between its nt easy at all
And especially when the time is knockimg u down!!

Huh!!

I dont know whats going on!!

Not sad
Not happy

Irritating it is seriously!!

Upar se aaj pheli baar lag rha hai ki cold hona is not good
Vrna phele toh apne ap thik hojata tha



Awww... I am lil sick diary!!

Kya kya btaun!!

Each door is fcking me more harder than i thought!!
And still the result i want is not even close and even far!!
Cz i cant see it!!

Help me out diary!!
I need me!! This tym!!

Situations are handling me at present
N i want opposite of it!!

I can still see a picture of mine when i was not even 2year old complete!!

My goglu cheeks!!
Hmm skinny in present!! 😀😀


Hmm the world wants proof diary!!

The words and mind together are not enough!!
May some piece of papers get things on a messy track!!

N again what to do!!

Again questions will rise in my mind!

N again wht to do!!

Is this life??

Mar 24th, 2016 09:17 AM

Hi diary
Happy holi!!
And what a match it was!! let me tell you it was so close!!
Bangladesh chasing 147 in t20 wc16!!
N

11 in 6..😑

Took a single

10 in 5😑

Four!!

6 in 4😟

Four again!!!

2 in 3😔

Out!!

2 in 2😧

Out!!

1 in 2😱

RunOut while running on a dot ball!!


India won!!🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳
We won!!🍻🍻🍻🍻🍾🍾

Yeah!!!

I am writing this all at 2:41am right now!! And i ll upload it in the morning!!
#no internet!!

But i want to write today!!
I know m soo lazy n fuckd up!!
But m fine n missing you in a soft corner!!
So hard!!

Things are just passing down so dam fast!!
And i am there only waiting for the bus i hav to be seated in!!

Still on the stand i can see a way that is being created by me and m driving a sport!!
Huh dreaming!!

Hmmm!!
So suckd up!!!

I hav thinkd some ideas few days ago!!

A sliding window/frame concept

And an app that force me to write my daily expenditure!!

Hmm nice right!!
Or no!!

I m lil bit excited about both of them!!

And as its me so i m already happy thinking the design n layout and all colours and shades, line rectangles, X-ray, blah blah


🤔🤔🤔🤔


M good at visualisation!! I think so!!
Yeah!! Always appreciating myself!!! 🤓🤓🤓

You are not a magician ditto!! Hold on!!
So will you stop dreaming??
No!! Because you fucking believe upon you!!

But what about present!!

Hmm correct!!

Shall i bound time you mean to say!! 😂😂😂😂😂

Naah

Lets sketch it out yeah!!!

Ok!! Other things!!

Therapy is going on.. Yeah things are getting more fluent!!

Subah subah prayanaam!! Hmmm!!
It Works!!

Am i lil fast!!
Hmm i need to go lil deeper and slowly!!!

Wtf you are thinking?? 😶😶
Yeah thinking!!! I need to slow it lil down!!
And lets go in the ground with all what you have, to play your first match and the opponent is you yourself!!

Hmm its tough!! Hmm this patience is not so good factor here!!

I guess i need a different approach!!

Yeah thats how we get better!!

Visualise the things you want and how you want and what could be the awesomest way to do that and next step how you present them at last!!!

Hmm!!!

Will start with the basic and then divide the work!!

Anuj will help in design n when i ll be ready with it.. I need to attract others to participate like as if they think it!!

Let me oreo for a while!!

Hmm tasty!!!

Hmm... Let do it!!

Aor placements!! Hmm dua ki zarurat hai bas ab to!! 😅😅😅😅

Ptanhi kya hoo rha hai!!!


Hmmm something great is waiting for me i guess!! 😇

Hmm aaj result aagya last sem ka!!
77%

Hmm shi aagye!!

Still to sort many!!

N m not tensed!!

Aor kuch batein btaun??

Hmm
Wished her on her birthday

Yup i wished her at the last shayd vo bhi next raat ko!!

And its ok!!anuj ne bola wish krna to chahiye!! But mene nhi kiya!!
And due to a sucking feature of whatsapp calling aachanak vo dab gya as my screen is lil breaked!!
So socha wish kar hi dun!!
Salla bc bhi to nhi hota suddenly!!!

Though no contact from 2 months!!

Cz she is nomore alive in me!!
N jo bacha hai thoda bhot!!
Vo bas aor bas anger hai bhot zayda jo ki bas mind tak hi rhe jata hai!!

Huh time heals everything!!
Cz my time has my fronds, family and myself smiling looking me!! 😏😏

Naah no mood of getting in relationship again!!!

The mrs.right one will find me herself!!


Hmmm

I disabled whatsapp notifications few days back!!
And m living in heaven!!!

I feel lil sorry for the writer people!!
But its good they know about me n still love me!!!

They are also a like a happy poem!!
Hidden and so relaxing!!!


🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂


Goodnight diary!!!
Catch you soon!!
😇😇😇😇😇😇




Feb 22th, 2016 10:29 PM

Just back to home an hour ago
From?
Mussorrie!!
Yup travelled 315km today
or may b more!!

Feb 17th, 2016 00:05 AM

hmm soo many days..

abhi bhi kuch likhne ko nhi hai diary..

bs khi bhag jaane ka maan hai for 2 or 3 days..
and songs sunte kho jaane ka maan hai mountains dekhte dekhte
and ghumna hai pedal
and fresh air
and no beep beep and fcking morons around
and
I wanna write vha jaake

mere andar kihne k bare mein bhot kuch chlta rheta hai ki ye likh du aise likh dun

stories
poems
and blah blah

likhi bhi hai abhi bt phone k notepad mein hai

hmmm

yha???

ptanhi!!!


and listen... you take care dairy.. you got wht I mean.. :*

Feb 06th, 2016 03:00 AM

Noo!! nothing special behind this new name...

Feb 06th, 2016 02:57 AM

Wanna fuck some mosquitoes quite hard

One just woke me up biting my cheek

And after that one tight clap

All my blood in my hands

Then went to wash hands and then bed se uth hi gya tha soo

Smoked a cigi in laziness

Listened some good songs

And when i was going to bed again

I opened u up

Bt still fck that mosquitoe


Goodnight

Feb 2nd, 2016 01:40 AM

Don't worry baby don't you cry
As long as we keep getting high
Keep burning like we're never gonna die..

This song and i am gone!!
Trust me this isn't a shortcut

Jan 27th, 2016 00:49 AM

Its kinda fckd up in my mind

Its like m on the path bt
Y so late

I dont hav fcking tym

Huh

Jugaad bhi nhi kr skte eska toh kuch


Lil helplessness

I need lil more concentration

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