Calm's Diary

Calm's Diary

Open diary

My thoughts

25 years old, Male, Pune

Diary Entries (2)

Feb 05th, 2014 3:12 PM

It has been quite some time since i wrote in the diary for the first time. But then, i didnt have anything worthwhile to report. Until now. It is with immense pleasure and pride that i tell you all that i am 'under influence' right now!
Though it is not my first time that i have grassed myself up. But this is definitely my first time when i have done something crazy after doing it. After i have smoked some stuff up, i would invariably find myself to be lying in my hostel bed listening to Pink Floyd, contemplating on the mysteries of the universe. Time seemed to fly and to halt, both at the same time. Thoughts seem to flow right through my mind and at the same time, to be fixated on something. Something as profound as the theory of relativity or as trivial as the colour of my nails! The most difficult task i had done until now after smoking up, was to crawl out of my bed and search for the pot to pee in. But it was all to change yesterday.
I had gone to the Haldi function ( sounds better than a turmeric ceremony, right?) yesterday with four of my friends. I had no particular intention of smoking up though we were going to get drunk on the bottle of Jamesons' 18 years old! However, as soon as i met them at a common juncture, i could feel that one of them had had his share of bliss already. He was all smiles and giggles when he said he has a couple of more bliss-igerettes in his pocket. To cut a long story short, he didnt have them after an hour. And out of all of us, i was the only one who didnt know whether we were still on the planet earth.
You see, i had a theory about the effect of Marijuana on my state of sanity. As soon as i had taken a puff, that was the highest i was going to get on that day. It is a downhill slope after that. But yesterday, it took me close to fifteen minutes to get where i was and it was the highest i had ever been! I could feel the ground beneath me shaking. It took my some time to recognize the people dancing in front of the gates. It took even more time for me to realize that i was being dragged to dance along with the bridegroom. And it was eternity before i saw the bright light of the video camera shooting the complete dance. I must have been on the camera the whole time because of my proximity to the groom. It was quite an experience.
I could see a couple of friends who had been out of touch since school looking, what i now think was, expectantly at me to atleast come and share pleasantries. But I was so conscious of my being, that i just could not bring myself to talk to them. I did however talk to some of my batch mates from my engg days but the content of my conversations elude me now.
After the dance and the loud music, i think my condition worsened! To stabilize, we went to a nearby garden where there were some suggestions for me to puke my way out of this mess. A couple of my companions even went to get some coke to help me puke. It was later that i realised that i had nothing in my stomach to get rid of! I mean i had smoked it right? What good would it do to puke? Anyways, i didnt feel like puking. But the coke helped us get some Jamesons into us. I drank it like wine! WIth heightened sense of taste, I could appreciate the awesomeness of the fine scotch on a different level altogether. There was some stimulating discussion after Baba asked us " which is the sensory feeling that you can't live without?" (I felt physically drawn toward 'touch' )
Rest of the night is a frame of photographs - drinking in the car, driving to a ice cream parlor, having what seemed like the juice of the Gods, driving back to my home, crawling in the bed and drifting off!
It was one of those nights when you hardly remember anything but the night itself will be etched into my memory forever!

Jan 24th, 2014 6:35 PM

For someone who has been aspiring to be a writer since a long time, this post comes very late. It is difficult to explain why none of my previous attempts at any writing whatsoever (serious or otherwise) have been fruitful. The most plausible explanation seems to me that I tend to be overly critical of my own thoughts and the way i express them. As a result i never could reach the second page of my diary in all these years.
Then what has changed? I am reading ' Flowers for Algernon' currently. I could appreciate the changes that Charlie goes through as a person after he has been through the operation. The transformation in the way of his writing, thought process and the depth in the description is striking to the reader. And so, i thought, maybe the same is applicable for me! Though i am no retard, i can still see my transformation in my posts if i start. So, here i am...

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