I'm just a teenage girl who feels comfortable writing her feelings and day on a sheet of paper, then tearing it up. I'm cheerful, fun to be with, and beautiful in God's eyes. Lots of love to possible readers!
16 years old, Female, Nigeria
It has happened! Bestie told me she learned how to masturbate today. I can't believe it! She says the feeling at the moment was hot, that her body was shaking due to over-excitement, and she even cried. I asked her who taught her, and she said one of the guys on her dm....gosh! Now, she told me she feels like a stranger to herself and she feels that she's let herself down. Please forgive her Lord.... :( :( :( . Give her grace Lord...How could she do this to herself?? I don't even know what else to say...ttyl DG.
So yeah. DG, this week and even last week has been stressful, thus I haven't been able to spend time with you.
Well....today's finally here......it's the day I'm going to school to complete my exams in the final year. I missed school a whole lot some weeks back......but now, I can't even stand the thought! lol......What's gotta happen, gotta happen DG. I'm gonna miss u like......tf! All my junior friends were literally crying into my DM yesterday......it was such an emotional moment....cuz we know we aren't meeting till November -_-. I wonder when they'll actually get to resume.....next year January?? Idk....lol.
My subjects.......I'm in God's hands, I swear...
Maths- God help me......By God's grace...
English- God help me......Yassssss!
Biology- God help me.........Yasssssss!
Physics- God help me.......By God's grace...
Chemistry- God help me.
Computer Studies- God help me......By God's grace...
Civic Education- God help me........Yasssssssss!
F/N- God help me..........Yassssssssss!
G/M- God help me......Yassssssssssss!
I'm so damn scared of that Chemistry of a subject! :(
It's like it keeps hunting me!
The sight of the teachers for the subject alone....sends shivers down my spine and lets my heart skip 5 beats...
I can't believe I'll be seeing the faces of those annoying teachers once again...GOSH!!
DG......seriously speaking, I'm gonna miss u....and y'all readers too.....I'm gonna miss ur frequent daily checks on my entries....lol....
Ttyl DG....when it's November or thereabout.....when the year 2020 will almost be gone......ILYSM!
Happy New Month to you!!! It's August, and if not for Covid-19, I'd have had lots of activities in store for my family and I......but God knows why.
DG, today is my little sister's birthday! She's my immediate sibling, and she's six years old now. The night before was fun. My mom hadn't been around for the past two days, so it was just dad, me, my sister and my brother, and the maid that were home. I have to admit...it was fun. There was nobody to nag all day long. Not that she nags non-stop, but it seems like we always have something to do all the time when she's home. No offense mom. When she wasn't around, the house was so peaceful, and everyone was so free. Dad just did his stuff and kept to himself. On the first night, we, actually I in person, thought we would watch a movie. But dad didn't let us, claiming he couldn't afford to sleep late, since we've been doing it for a long time (I mean sleeping really late like 12 or 1:00 am). Then the next night, which was last night, we watched movie(s). We watched three with dad, then he watched some by himself, cuz I and everyone except dad went to the room to play. Well, not play exactly. I was talking to David, one of my crushes-turned friends (lol), and then everyone came to join me. That's also what I mean when I say I don't get to enjoy privacy in the house :(. But, it was still fun, nevertheless. When our voices started to get too loud, dad came and collected the phone....hahaha! He looked angry, and when I reminded him of my sister's birthday, I expected him to wish her a happy birthday at least, instead, he just walked away angrily with my phone.....most times, the attitude he puts up when it comes to her gets me thinking. David was the second person to tell my sis happy birthday. I was the first ;). Trust me to be the first, especially when I have the chance. Mom was the third. I guess dad forgot, all bc of the movie he was watching -_-. When she called us, she led us into a prayer session -_-. We prayed eh! Gosh! Now she's back. She came just in time for my sister's online little birthday party. We all thank God.....we're going back to regular days....(lol). Ttyl DG.
I need to write this down to keep track.
I now have hangouts and discord. And I'm dating an extra guy online....jxt started today...and he's 15.....I simply can't believe it. I never even thought I'd be into online dating, to begin with. I learnt he has learning disabilities, so I started talking to him today. He was always looking for someone to chat him up anyways. Was so surprised he asked me out the same day we started talking. Robert doesn't talk. I'll let him go one of these days....DG, can u believe that he even made a big deal out of it the day he had to be the one texting me first..?? It was such a ridiculous thing to do. Seems he wants the desperate type! For me, it's the other way round, please...
DG, I'm going back to school on Tuesday.....I'm sad u won't be there with me :( I realized that keeping a diary with you is a whole lot easier. I don't forget about you, unlike when I keep a physical book diary.
Nothing so interesting came up today tho.
My sister's birthday is coming up on Saturday :)
So today, I heard the most shocking news of all time: Final year students in Nigeria (Year 6, Year 9 and Year 12 students) are resuming school on the 4th of August, and our exams are starting on the 17th. Well, I'm not sure of Year 6 and 9 students. It's actually just WAEC students I heard. I feel so lost and confused right now......after they made us lose all hope! How am I gonna fix a three-year syllabus back into my head in two weeks?? I guess I should tell you now DG, that I won't be giving updates every day anymore. I just wanna write this exam, and pass with great scores and leave Secondary School...Ugh!! Then it won't be on my mind ever again. So help me God...
Ex didn't come online today again. Cosmic didn't come online too. I miss those guys. Je's birthday is in three days. And I met ANOTHER guy today. Daniel. He's been on my contact list since when, and I didn't even know! We got to know each other when he replied to one of my posts on my status. Then I later posted a framed picture of myself someone made for me. He immediately landed in my dm, telling me that I'm so beautiful. It was so funny! He said so many things in like thirty minutes. Within those thirty minutes, I got to know that we even live in the same area! How shocking! He immediately asked me for the name of the estate I live in, telling me that he was on his way already. Haha! I couldn't stop laughing. I told him anyway, cuz I know visitors can't get in unless they get the permission of the tenant who invited them over. If he ever appears here, I can easily deny the fact that I know him from anywhere. But I warned him of it tho. I told him he shouldn't even think of it since I'm living with my parents. He seemed very serious, as he asked me when it would be possible for us to meet outside the estate. He thought I come out by myself sometimes, maybe for a walk or something. I told him we can't meet at all cuz number 1: I don't go out myself. We all go out as a family. And number two: We or I.....I hardly even go out. Well ever since this lockdown started, it's been this way. He sent me two of his pictures and I must say...I would actually like to date him if I had the chance. He's cool, cute, and he seems pretty responsible. He told me to mention what it would cost him to be my man. I was lost for words DG. I know there's just no point in me naming things when I obviously know we can't meet.
It's just so sad DG. I'm feeling sleepy now, so....gotta go. Ttyl.
Time: 11:08 pm.
One more thing....permit me to use this medium...
Hey readers. I know y'all love reading these open dairies people have posted here. Please I just wanna beg you to also try developing interests in the posts too. I have three posts there and I don't like the fact that none of them is getting any progress. Yeah, this might sound desperate, but the number of 'unique readers' I see and the comments under can really give me a boost up. It's really encouraging.
A hint I can give you of seeing at least one of my three posts is that you'll find (if you're patient enough) an exact write up I dropped here in my diary in the posts section......like a poem, though it's not. And the post is one of the most recent ones, so.....it shouldn't be a problem.
If you don't mind doing that for me, thanks so much. I love you to the moon and back. And if you just don't have the time or something, and you still end up not making an effort, nevermind. It's just for those who love my open diary and find it interesting. Hopefully, they'll find my posts interesting too. Have a beautiful day ahead....ILYSM!
Indeed I forgot to give you more updates as I totally left you hanging. lol. I'm sorry tho. Idk why the time that shows after each entry is so incorrect....Okay, maybe WriterBabu strictly follows another country's time or something. So, the time presently is 4:27 am. Happy new week btw.
Okay, so usually, every night before I go to sleep, my phone gets partially ceased from me...(like I'm not allowed to use it at night). But sometimes, my parents, either mom or dad forgets to collect it and it spends the night in the living room, charging. I usually give you updates using my laptop. So, tonight was one of those 'lucky' nights, as dad left my phone in the living room. I didn't realize at first until I came out later. The first thing I did after switching it on was that I went to IG. I'm not allowed to be online on Whatsapp after like 12 or so, and I respect that a lot. So I texted FA, wishing him a great day ahead and apologizing for somethings that happened between us like 3 weeks ago. I also greeted Angela, and some of my other friends....I'm sure they'll be surprised by the 'early morning messages'. I just had to do that cuz I definitely wouldn't be able to get in touch later in the day.......because my mom has problems with my involvement with some social media apps. Truth is she only approves of me using Whatsapp. Her reason being that now is not the time. But guess what DG. I've successfully been able to secretly manage Facebook, and Instagram, and Snapchat, and Tic Toc, and Telegram......Telegram???! Well, I'm sure she's never even noticed that. Haha. Even I forget that's it's there in my phone!
Please don't call me a bad girl or a disrespectful child. What would you have done in a situation as mine?? I was only curious and I have a dire need of keeping in touch with my friends...especially during this extreme holiday. Speaking of which, I'm getting interested in this season's Big Brother Naija......I swear I never thought it would happen!.... Every news I hear and read about it.....m just lovin' it baby!..... But I still don't have a favorite contestant. Not yet tho. I even know some of their names.....Lilo, Ngegi, Ozo, Vee, Eric, Erica, Laycon,....well that's all I have in my head.
Ex didn't come online today. Cosmic got in trouble with his parents today, so his mom has started reading his chats. I chatted him up in the evening, first time of the day, and he told me to start texting him like a Christian now...lol. We didn't chat much at all. Even I and Je, and Robert and I. I guess we all were in the 'Sunday Mood'. Haha. I met a new guy today...Zee. And I think there's one tryna get me....Lamide. I love the way he calls me baby. Funny right? I know...but he keeps telling me to call him. He's told me two times now. I mustered the courage to do so yesterday evening. Luckily, he didn't pick up. DG, what does it mean when a guy....(an online guy you haven't met before, and you don't know him) starts asking you to call him, claiming he just wants to hear your voice?? Thank goodness I've already called and he didn't pick up. That missed call should last him the rest of the year!
Feeling sleepy now DG, wbu? Haha! It's 5:07 am btw.....have a beautiful day ahead DG and Diamond. Ttyl.
Happy Sunday...! So, today, nothing much is happening. Mum and dad are out, so we're just lazying around the house (lol). Still thinking about yesterday's incident, it can't leave my memory in a hurry. Yeah, in my anger, I forgot to tell you yesterday that my ex and I chatted. We even have a matter to settle. Not serious tho, just that he has issues expressing how he really feels about me. I've teased him so many times, asking if he's shy or something. Truth is....we're actually each other's first (blush). And the reason is that....he was never a dating type. He didn't have intentions of dating, maybe cuz he hadn't found a girl he liked. So, when I joined the school, I still don't know what happened...I guess it's a story for another day. Maybe later today. Gotta go DG. Ttyl.
Luckily, I'm definitely not leaving you hanging like this. There'll be more entries later today. Muah!
This is an update of how my day went. I have a feeling it might be long tho...
Okay, so today, I felt so down. Well not too down. That's why I wrote something down here earlier. Our tests are over...and...well, nothing to do. I started chatting when I saw Troy's text. Troy's the guy I wrote about in my previous update. Finally. I could not believe I was begging a guy so hard just for a reply! I had sent him a 'hey' text so many times, just that afternoon. I even called him, he didn't pick up. I stared at the message. He dropped 6 actually. Told me he was sleeping and he just woke up. I knew he was lying. I just decided to let go. He asked of my day and if I was alright. We started chatting, but it was so unusual. Like...it felt like there was an attitude or something. He asked me to tell him more about myself, which I did. He did the same too. Mind you DG, this happened AFTER he asked me to send some pictures of myself. I did send them. After all, sending pics to people is what I love doing. They were just normal pictures, so don't let your mind wander away.
He sent me his pictures too, they were the exact ones I had seen of him on the site we met. Plus three new ones tho. I had to do a double-take for those. No, they weren't hot. They looked disgusting to me. He looked chubby in one, he even had a mustache there. In the second one, his lips looked extremely baggy and not in shape. His hair was.....there's this weird feeling I have when I look at his pictures. Especially when his hair is really showing. It's unusually long and black and just somehow. And then the third one?.... I think he took it while he was masturbating. He wore only knee-length shorts with no shirt, and he stood, with his hand down there. I could see a part of his pubic hair (the camera captured that) GROSS... I told him they were nice (why did I lie??), but they were the ones I saw in the site. He just replied 'so?'. Gosh! I obviously noticed this drastic change, or should I say totally different person from the one I chatted with on the site. Still, I watched....' what would happen next' was the question on my mind. Then he said: What now?
Even I was wondering. I knew I would be in trouble if I didn't act fast. I told him I didn't know, then I asked him how his day went. After answering, he immediately asked me if I liked 'horny relationships'. What the?? One thing about me is that I love to play dumb when I'm with naughty people, especially when I know just what they want. I told him I wasn't sure yet, that I just liked the cool regular ones. He immediately asked: 'Wdym?', attaching a sad emoji to it. I don't even know what type of emoji it is. I then asked him to describe what he liked doing or what was involved in this his 'horny relationship'. I knew just what he was driving at. He replied: Love, care, nudes, etc. I told him, 'Well, I can't send my nudes'. Then he started asking me if I wanted his kind of relationship or not, telling me that if I didn't wanna send nudes, then he'd leave, cuz he had told me on the site that he wanted a relationship. Wow! My jaw literally dropped. He never told me 'horny relationship'! What kinda person is this anyway?? Did he think I'd be begging or what? I had never experienced this crap before...I didn't know what to do. At first, I wanted to beg him to at least let us be friends, but I changed my mind. I can't be friends with this miserable phony! I told him I could offer all but nudes. Suddenly, I felt as if....as if I was negotiating over my body for a pay. Like I was begging for a job. What nonsense! Maybe he thought I wouldn't think bc I'm a Nigerian and he's a Canadian. Even my school guys wouldn't behave this way. I was beginning to feel like a prostitute, I wouldn't lie.
He told me that it was nice chatting with me, that he was leaving, that I should go find a relationship somewhere else. Wtf?? I flared up and said: 'Who the hell do you think you are? You seemed so nice on the site, you never behaved this way. I'm loving, I'm caring, I'm everything but I just can't send nudes! Why are you doing this to me??' All he said was: 'It was nice meeting you.' Then he put a red heart beside it. I apologized immediately for the sudden flare-up and told him my bye, and that I hope he finds love. I ended the chat, not wanting to read anymore from him. I changed his contact from 'Troy' with 3 different hearts to 'Stranger' with a boring look emoji. After that, I proceeded to block him....and report his line. I didn't care what might happen to him. He's such a monster. Luckily, all our chats disappeared, and his name disappeared from my chat list. Phew! I couldn't believe I just chatted with a......I don't even know what else to call him.
I thought about everything over and over, and I still can't stop thinking. I just couldn't imagine me wasting precious time to take pictures of myself naked for one horny cow. A lot of things could happen. Not even adding the fact that I would be done for if I ever got caught. Talkless of living in a house with no actual privacy. Only mom and dad got their privacy.
I just can't afford to hurt myself the second time.....I'll just stick to my ex.....there's a great possibility of us getting back together. He's so calm and I love him like that. I would have never appreciated his calmness if I hadn't met Troy. The animal! I'm just going to get my ex to fall for me again.....I did it before, I definitely can do it again.
I feel I need a hug so badly.
I'm surrounded by people, but I feel lonely...
Infact, I might need a kiss.
And I know just the right person...Je.
Or maybe they're two: he plus Caeser.
I feel so crushed. Don't know what caused it.
Three guys are turning my head right now......they plus Cosmic.
There's a fourth puppy.....Robert, but he's just not qualified.
How can I be drawn to you when I don't even know you??
Sorry, Robert, I'm gonna have to let you go sooner than you expect.
Then there's a fifth guy I'm definitely craving for.....Troy.
I'm so damn desperate......I don't know what to do.
Maybe it's bc I didn't hear from Caeser today.
And Je didn't give me the excess attention he gave yesterday.
Cosmic talked to me......he needed someone to talk to.....he was down.
M happy I made him feel a lot better.
Yeah, I did mighty.
So today, I'm going to be adding multiple updates today so.......don't let it seem unusual to you. It could happen occasionally, or just when I feel like it.
So today was good....okay. Just there, I guess. Normal day, normal activities. I agreed to let an online guy 'date' me. I put it in quotes cuz I don't see it as a date. I just see it as a regular friendship or something. The guy claimed he admires me and he loves me. He said that even before getting a picture of me! Can you imagine that DG?? I just said thanks, cuz to me, that's the best thing to say at the moment. The next thing he asked was.....do you believe in long-distance relationships? I told him no...cuz indeed I didn't. But I have a soft mind...so I told him it won't hurt to give it a shot. And to the poor guy, he's dating someone like that! Guess what DG.....: Any time he texts me, he always adds things like dear and darling. Ewwww! That's just not me.....does he think we're married or something??? GOSH! I'll soon start getting on his nerves! I don't think I can keep up with him...
Gotta go now....sorry for not giving detailed updates recently...not my fault. Ttyl
What a mess, I keep forgetting to give you the updates when it's time! Well maybe I don't forget per se.....maybe it's just laziness. Well, now I have to update twice. I hope I don't forget to give the second update later.
So yesterday was cool too. Great actually. Though I met with a guy online, and he seemed nice and he's really cute. He told me he'll chat me up later. I saw his 'hey' text, I replied, but he hasn't given a reply....till now. I was disappointed, but not for long. My ex chatted with me again.....I guess he wants to know how I'm coping without him, and if the break up affected me much. We went along just fine as usual. Then I got the best surprise yet: my long lost crush chatted me up! He left our school 2 years ago....to another school, for a ridiculous reason which his dad pointed out. We chatted like we've been friends for YEARS! (Cuz we never talked throughout he stay in our school).
DG, I got the cramps yesterday. It was bad, but it wasn't the worst. In the night, I watched movies with dad and mom till 1 in the morning. We were about to start watching Anabelle when my little sister woke up. *Sigh... Gotta go now, DG. Ttyl!
I'm gonna have to write in you twice today. One write-up for yesterday, and one for today. So, for yesterday......
Yesterday was great. My tests...hmmm! I had to scale my Physics test. Terrible right? I know......I talked to some of my friends about it. They weren't even bothered! They told me they weren't going to make any effort towards it. But it wasn't like I didn't want to take the test. In fact, I went to class. The test had started (thank goodness it's online). I opened the questions......they were mad! All of them required calculation. GOSH! I felt so intimidated! DG, it wasn't funny. I didn't even spend any more second. I left......I thought it would be better not to take the test at all than to take it and fail ridiculously. Moments later, dad asked me about the tests for the day. My heart nearly flew to my throat! I had to tell him I didn't have any tests at the moment, that my first one for the day was later in the day. I felt so terrible! Now I just told a lie over a test I didn't wanna take. I had to....if not he would've asked for my score on it.
I went to my room afterward and started chatting fully with my friends. I even chatted with Angela and my ex!
I never thought I'd say this before but I really love chatting with him. It's so much fun now...no more tension. In fact, it's like he has more time for me now that we're not together....funny right? He pays a lot of attention to me now.....and I like it.....but it gets me thinking sometimes. He even told me he misses me! I couldn't believe my eyes. We spent most of the day chatting, he was even the one that reminded me of my next test. Lol...I had forgotten already. I did well in that one. Phew! I got back to chatting immediately. I chatted till evening....then I watched some videos. Did I tell you that I and my mum got along great yesterday?? It was amazing! Not that we always don't get along, but I just love it when we're okay. Our relationship is so important to me. When I woke up, I went straight to her and as I went to her, I noticed that her arms were wide open, inviting me to a warm embrace. She lapped me and we cuddled for a while.
Okay, now I have nothing to say...I hope today goes great as well. It's 3:52 am right now. Sleep is practically dragging my eyelids close together...
Today was okay and cool. Everyone was great today, no arguments, no disagreements. I had my tests today, and I scored good scores. Thank God. My parents didn't even know about it until later in the day. I must say, I liked it that way. If they had known earlier, especially today that I had my maths test, they would have mounted so much pressure on me.
I spent the rest of the day sleeping tho. It feels so good to take a nap without any disturbance! I miss Angela.....wonder why we suddenly stopped getting in touch. I also wonder if she knows about my dreadful secret. I hope no one ever finds out! Even I hope I never find out! The thought of it keeps hunting me....I've hurt myself. I'm sorry Diamond.
Now that this season's Big Brother Naija has started, it's the topic of the day, come what may! I can never get myself to be interested in it. Watching people as they live their lives every day......gosh! Maybe it's because we don't watch it in my home.
As I sit here, writing this, my mind is roaming wildly. I don't know what to do next. And I'm obviously not sleeping today. Talk about sleeping by 5:00 am today.
Why on earth does mummy scream and shout at me without even trying to understand me?? That's one of the reasons I wish I wasn't a Nigerian. I sometimes wish that I was from maybe Canada, or the UK, or the US.....just somewhere foreign! Today, she's done it twice since I woke up around some minutes to twelve, and now it's 1:23 pm. The first time today, I was looking at my younger siblings, admiring how close they are and wishing I had a sibling that close to me too. I wouldn't lie, sometimes I still feel so alone. No one to really pour my heart out to without any judgment from the person, though mom is there and I'm glad. But she still judges me sometimes. I told her how I felt and she suddenly took it in the opposite direction, asking me furiously if I wanted a step-sibling or something. She made me feel like I had no right to wish, or I had no right to express myself. I have made up my mind already to be secretive about my feelings and to just keep them to myself. As I was still thinking about that, and the way she flared up, she told me to fry chicken. I had gone smoothly through the first round, but then I was just about to start with the second group of pieces left. She came into the kitchen and asked if they weren't too dry. I assured her they were perfect. The piece of chicken that was on the frying throng dripped water into the hot oil. The oil splashed on my skin, and the piece fell into the oil.....and the pan caught fire. She just started shouting at the top of her lungs! Yeah, maybe out of fear, it looked like she thought I did that on purpose. I don't know, but she just didn't bother to ask if I was okay. That hurt me real bad, and I went straight to my room to gather myself together. I wasn't angry at the fact that she shouted at me though, I was just so sad she didn't ask if I was alright, I mean with the oil stuff. Then, dad.....he thought I went in to sulk! Sometimes, I just don't feel the possibility of me ever getting MY privacy in this house as a teenager. The only privacy they give me is the one need whenever I have to take a bath or change my clothes. I would appreciate it if they could understand that I need privacy to just be alone by myself in my room!
In my house, sometimes my parents don't realize that they might have said something that hurt me, especially dad when he jokes. But hopefully, that's over now. But then, when it happens, and it hit me hard, I go in to collect myself and mom comes in to cut off my 'alone' time, to tell me that he's my father and stuff. If it's mom that I feel hurt me, and I go to my room, dad immediately requests that I come out, and then they both start taking it so p, saying that I'm already feeling too big to be talked to......how ridiculous! They ALWAYS feel they're right at all times as if they're not bound to make mistakes. They never apologize to me when they sense that I'm hurt. Instead, they turn the table around and make sure I'M the one to apologize!.......and promise them that whatever happened never happens again.
Own a diary. Keep note of what is going on in your life. It would be amazing to look at it few years down the line. Or, you can have a diary of your imagination. A life you want to live. Note down what your character will be doing each day. Live a different life. You can keep it personal. Create one now. You'll love this concept. Login to create new.