The Daybreak demands patience and growing before the comforting twilight approaches!
23 years old, Female, Believer-Land
I miss celebrating festival like a feast like in childhood.
I miss homies and these silent streets.
I miss home when I see people leaving to their native in long weekend.
It's dushera and Diwali will be away from home too. I know this is something which is inevitable.
Aur khwabon ki race daudo toh ghar ki duri toh saath aati hai. Fr bhi dil toh masoom hai kabhi kabhi sawal kar baithta hai. kabhi kabhi 'kash yun hota' ki kashti me sawar ho hi jata hai.
In office and listening to songs! :(
Hey Good morning,
I did not practice dance yesterday :P
woke up a little late today but it is fine, not much work was there.
I was binge-watching series ;)
Moonji I don't know anymore how I feel about love when I hear about people falling in love or going in crazy or doing the stuff that I used to think sweet back in teenage days, In my head I say.. Good to hear and let's see where you stand 1 year from now. If it will still be the same I will say congrats else pata hi tha.
Kitna waqt beet gaya hai, ishq alfazo me ya khayalo me bhi ni aaya hai.
I tried writing a story a few months ago, a story of a date but ni ho paya.
With this coldness in heart towards this emotion, I am scared more now
What Bullshit! am I talking about :P
Switch the mood Girl! You cannot control the course of the river so let it flow, when the time comes it will cut the mountain and make its way.
Ishh! I am so sleepy lol!
I had no Monday blues but I am sure having Tuesday blues or Tuesday sloth! Ok Bye! I will take a nap and this will definitely happen lol good day :)
Let me pick up from where we left, Workshop was really good.
Speaking on stage after a long time felt mast totally. Some lessons are there because there is always a room for improvement.
I met ditto yesterday, It was good talking to him after so long and then I felt as if I talked after a long time, pata phone pe baat karke vo maza kaha jo samne baith ke doston ke saath baat karne me hota hai.
And I asked few questions, amongst which most important one, do you think I am a changed person from what I was jab hum mile ni the. I was happy to hear no in the reason. Thank god! Coz I have seen changing shades so happy I am not in that clan.
The day before yesterday talked to tom and jerry on a conference call, these are my gems too baat karke inse bhi acha lagta hai.
And it is a short week but I have a lot of work then chotu se milungi next weekend and then shopping bhi jaana hai.
I am starting a constructive diet from today.
Let's focus on health for some time now.
Chalo it's 9 I will do dance practice now, bye see you good day :D
Aaj it is one of the milestone hitting day for me. I am going to speak for a workshop at a conference in few hours I am little nervous but all I know is I am getting opportunity to share my knowledge infront of 25-30 people and the event is one of the most tech famous magazines of India. Plus I am going to talk about cyber security and it always is my topic of interest.
I am grateful and lucky that I will be sharing stage with my boss, He is the one I idealize in work terms. I am grateful to the universe that everything went awesome and I handled all questions gracefully.
Aaj conference achi hogi n mai fr nidhi ke saath celebrate karungi 😁😁😁Wish me luck moonji, I love you and Thank you :)
Thanks Krishna Ji, Mummy ka order pass karane ke lie. I am so happy and thank you for listening.
Sab aapki maya hai, aap jaan much ke karte ho but if it ends well I can just smile at all your tricks :)
Will talk about something more but later.
Krishna ji, I know aap kehte ho ki
'Samay se pehle aur niyati se zada kabhi kisi ko kuch ni milta.'
But Krishnaji maa deserves this, she works too hard and it will kill me everyday to watch her go work with disappointment in her heart and it is not good too.
Please icha puri kardo na, Krishna ji.
Yesterday I felt sadness after a long time and more than sadness it was helplessness and hope of a sunrise Diminishing for Maa.
I lost words when she spoke and all I could do was pray, the government rules are like the knife in the back that hurts pretty bad.
I was never a fan of government jobs anyway and now looking at this, I believe at least the private sector job doesn't force you to become the tree.
If you feel your life slowed down or skills disrespected you can move.
There are areas in my life, where I am completely helpless. It includes the area where I have to advice or talk to my brother.
Moonji, I am at that point in life I feel I don't want to talk to anyone, I am finding it difficult to talk to even old contacts.
It is not that I don't give a fuck! I do give a fuck about lot of things but I don't have someone listening to things I give a fuck about, I listen just listen to everyone. I no longer feel like I can share It is very weird feeling moonji. I know calling it solitude will be wrong, you know usually when I start saying about things, something important between a conversation people will bring the topic of how they felt about it and then they keep talking and I am listening but my heart suddenly feels there is no need of telling how you feel, coz see it does not matter they are not giving a fuck.
I have no friends in the new city and I don't even regret it, I am content with whatever very few people I have in my life. I am beyond the point of drama, Real and raw is what matters most now. I cannot put up a mask for the sake of being social and friendly.
This feels so good! Diary, coffee, and songs feel like old times!
Night Changes is the song that is being played currently and damn the lyrics suits the mood.
And Me and you from the song is us :P
Ofc ab aur kon hoga, mai aapki moonchild hu na iss rocket se badalti duniya me mai bhi badal jau but aap kabhi ni badloge you will always be the same star from the sky that will keep me hooked to my soul.
I will sign off now. Bye I love you moonji!
I do not want negativity.
so I know what to ignore here from now on.
Will talk later, sleepy hoping to wake up soon. Good night Moonji :)
Maa log baat kar lie and decide kie hyd se mera lasik surgery karayenge 2019 ya 2020 me but.
😏😏Ek toh na meri hospitals, doctor, operation se bht zada darr hai.
Upar se inko 3rd sheher me kyu karana hai, ab agar meko follow up check up karana raha toh mai yaha ke doc pe trust ni kar sakti.
Ek health hi aisa aspect hai jiske lie mai bht negative and stupid vulnerable ho jaati hu.
and I know unka point galat ni hai it is simplest procedure and -6 number is not too good, arey yaar chodo baad me baat karte iss topic pe.
Are isliye mujhe bada ni hona , choclebaazi badhne wali hai🙈
Ek arsa hogya hai, kisi se samne baith ke khule mann se baat kie hue.
Ab Aajkal toh aapse bhi nahi ho paati.
I am craving for this kind of conversation from few days but I know at the end of the day, it will be 'mai aur meri tanhaiyan'.
Moonji kuch bhi karne ka dil nahi karra, bas chup reh ke aapko dekhu uska mann karra par ab toh aap so gaye ho, it's not your shift :P
Anjaana! How you doin ;)
Bas yuhi aajati hai yaad teri bhi kabi, tujhe yaad hai ek waqt tha jab har din iss dil ko tujhe pukarne ka mann karta tha. Dekha sab waqt ki baat hoti hai. Khair mai gaane sunti hu, tu bhi karle kuch, konsa sun raha hoga :D
Moonji, see you :D
Diary Entries (176)
Sep 25th, 2018 11:34 PM
I just read Srijan's Diary.
well rightlybsaid, back then we do things with pure heart and with time we learn things we grow and we cannot unlearn it.
I have also learned a good thing it took years kay says it late hua samjhne me but its okay I learnt.
And the drama would never stop. We will keep moving in circles again and again white fucking lies.
Thank you for giving me the motivation capsule at the right moment.
I watched Mega Icons on National Geographic today, Virat Kohli's Story.
Theory of the Butterfly effect
Significance of Balance
Consequences of Imbalance
Obsession for success
These things I learned and you know what maybe these are the things that attract me towards his personality and I look up to him as an inspiration just like I look up to Sachin Tendulkar. And It could be really funny for people reading I am having athletes as my inspiration but it really doesn't matter. It is all about the personality.
Things are not complicated we make it that way.
Steve Jobs was someone I used to follow once and he rightly quoted
“I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today? And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”
Chaos and serenity exist both in balance - Law of the universe.
Talk to you, when I am better and more disciplined.
I am disappointed with my attitude and I am listening stories of dedication of one of my colleague from technical team these days.
I feel like - Dude what am I doing, nothing??
Ah! Not even happy with studies but If I know the problem, I should know only I have to fix it.
For now let me see India win.
After months, I saw entire match baith ke that too Ind vs Pak so yeah that is a happy thing.
See ya :D
Good Morning Moonji!
Time for seeing the mirror.
Am I being productive?
No, I have a routine that the world's most successful people recommend having. I wake up before the sun rises at 4:30 or 5 AM. Yet I waste this opportunity to make complete use of it. I do binge watching or take naps, or simply surf facebook and Instagram.
Am I juggling too many things, with the right balance?
Yes for juggling, No for the right balance.
Am I complacent with what I have achieved in 4 months in a new field?
Yes, somewhere deep down I am believing that I am doing enough.
If I am being complacent, there is no way on the earth I will feel like doing more, if I think I have done enough. There is a very thin line between feeling proud of the decision I made and letting that proud feeling getting in head becomes a problem.
Am I focussed?
No, I keep losing focus. I keep missing items. I do not close my task in one go until I am reminded, juggling with the right balance has to come. Focus is key to it.
Am I doing things with devotion and dedication?
No, I am practicing dance only when there is class. I do exercise and practice for what 15 minutes on off days, that too depends on mood. I am not doing it regularly.
Am I keeping a check on my diet, and taking proper care of my health?
Hell No, Lost another Kg. Stopped taking bananas, taking protein shake irregularly. Not having boiled egg in the evening. Result - Losing stamina and knee pains while dancing.
Am I being generous or kind?
No, I cannot even manage my social life, I am being rude and judgmental.
Am I spending time on my hobby?
No, I am not posting on the page or writing the story.
Am I studying for the workshop at the conference?
One lifetime opportunity it is, and I am not studying for it.
Moonji, I am not doing even one thing correctly, I really needed to see this mirror. Not even 1 answer is a yes. Which cloud am I dancing on then? There is nothing to be proud of if I am not doing any of the above mentioned 50% of the things. What am I doing then, nothing? Just patar patar. Like hadd hoti hai apne hi bubble me hu, With this attitude, I am going nowhere.
and listen, girl, writing this is not enough until you fix it. Don't make false promises to yourself. Just start fixing and then talk.
Moonji, I will talk to you later.
I need to work on improvising. I am better than this person I am being right now.
I watched a movie, I was getting curious about what is the hype with Peter Kavinsky. Well, it was a great movie I saw after a long time but it was a very sweet one. I saw Peter kavinsky and Lara Jean. I don't want to talk about the female protagonist. I mean okay, let's just leave it.
Saturday? A very good one.
Slept till late (Something I rarely do these days)
Shopping (I was craving for it for a long time, still got only 1 thing 3 more things to be taken.)
Me-sissy hangout best part.
Working a little bit (This is inevitable from my life nowadays)
Spending me-time watching a movie after a long time.
Sleeping late too after a long time, lol it is 12 already.
Writing a diary at end of the day.
Good Day spent. Good night moonji :)
I love you. See you.
Just because I'm not facing the storm, it cannot avoid my role in it. It is my storm too because we are family.
Ashu was messaging from school, I was fuckin annoyed. I called up maa to discuss and she got angry because she said I should block his number n do not talk to him at all as he is a gone case now.
They don't get it. I feel guilty if I do so.
I cannot abandon him. I just cannot why dont they understand this, I feel pathetic as much as they do. I feel utna hi helpless jitna they do. But they are parents they will think meri bhalai ke hisab se.
Moonji! Jaise ek machli pure tank ko kharab karti hai.
Rishte bhi uss tank ke jaise hote hai. 1 nasamjh insan saare rishta uljha deta hai, sab rishte kharab kar deta hai.
kisi bhi problem ka fix pata hona is not difficult. Finding answer to what is easy. Finding a way to - 'How' is the task that matters. Irony is my brother will not get it now and din pe din paani sir ke upar hota jaa raha hai.
Please moonji, fix this one thing his brain and all the storms will settle automatically.
A new intern is joining office from tomorrow.
I took her interview in final round ;)
My manager is sick today enjoying the last lap of freedom.
Me and sissy alone and free in our team this opportunity would rarely come, so the best way to enjoy is to write the diary. This I may never get to do :P Can't risk it ofc!
I look at things happening now moonji and it is nothing more than my law of attraction. My thoughts are becoming things I am loving it.
Yet, I am not satisfied with the routine and diet I'm following.
I need to improve upon that, reduced another kg it is not good but it is expected I am putting too much stress on the body but not nourishing it enough. Working 10 hours, then dance classes now performance coming over.
My body needs protein to generate energy. Dance teacher was right. I need to take care before it gets worse.
Anyway : P
Ae Zindagi! Happy teachers' Day.
You know, kuch 2-3 din pehle maa gayi thi masi se milne. They talked about our careers, how she felt seeing the pg we stay in, the area we are in. Then she told something, she said they have a spark and maybe we don't realize it but we have only 5 years time to make most of it and achieve a good position in career. She also said something which even immediate family would think thrice before telling. Most Selfless relationship I have in my life. I will not let her down.
She was happy that I realized in a year, I wasn't putting in the complete effort and decided to change the direction and then performing good in the new position.
But she expected a lot more and we haven't reached that level in 1 year so let's live up to her expectations. I am grateful that I have guidance and mentors who believe in me and want to see me excel. so let me believe in myself too and work towards excellence.
I realize I had 5 years and I wasted 1 pretty much so I need to double my efforts, and I will. My Ambitions are my pride let me make most of it.
From tomorrow let me do right by myself, my dreams with complete honesty and dedication.
Signing off for now! Will talk later.
Life ke bohot important hisse ke baare me baat karni hai.
Par Abi nahi, fursat me.
Baad me baat karti hu :)
I'm hurt and annoyed but I cannot say it out loud.
because yeah I understand all the reason behind it so I'm understanding so I should understand.
Own a diary. Keep note of what is going on in your life. It would be amazing to look at it few years down the line. Or, you can have a diary of your imagination. A life you want to live. Note down what your character will be doing each day. Live a different life. You can keep it personal. Create one now. You'll love this concept. Login to create new.