What are we in search of, Happiness, true love, money, or Just Our Own Self.
19 years old, Female, Planet Earth
Why is it important for something to go severely wrong for you to not be okay. Why does it have to be traumatic and painful for people to think you are not okay.
Can't a person just not be okay? Can't a person feel low and detached from the world without any reason? Everyone cannot be constantly happy. There are high and lows in a person's life that may or may not be because of a reason. Just because a person doesn't give a valid reason doesn't mean that that person is going through any less pain. It is the pain that matters and not the reason. It all comes down to the pain that person feels.
If you have a friend that is feeling low, avoid asking questions and just cheer them up because knowing the reason or gravity isn't as important as relieving the pain.
Happyyy Birthdayyyy Kaustu ❤ That denim shirt really looks good on you. You were looking quite smart :D Hope u had a great day today and enjoyed to the fullest. And I will still regret not being able to wish u at 0.00 hours :( Enjoy the last of ur teens too your fullest because uske baad tum uncle ki category mein aa jaaoge (I have experienced the aunty version). Stay focused and study hard but at the same time do not compromise on your sleep because it can turn really bad (ecperienced it again :P) l. Enough of gyaan now. Happy Birthday once again :D
I was out with my bestie today. We had gone to watch a movie. After that we both sat down to talk. We spoke for about two hours. We both really loved talking to each other as we both always preferred face to face conversations to text messages and facebook wall posts. While I was talking to her I looked around. There was a couple in front of me performing PDA, a small group of students studying and the others were busy clicking pictures for their new facebook profile picture, instagram or snapchat story. What is friendship nowadays? Is it gradually getting confined to social media? What about spending quality time and sharing funny moments?
I am really lucky to have got such friends in my life whose lives are not just confined to the things they post on social media. Both my school and college friends are people that I can always count upon and whose concern does not show up only as a post on social media.
I feel that the kids of the 90s are the last people to experience true friendship and value true friends.
Sometimes people eventually get so tired of being fake that it starts showing. Their partly chapped lips can no more hide the words that were never to be uttered, their eyes can no more hold back the tears that were longing to roll down and give comfort, maybe the only possible solace. The lines on the forehead appear denser than before. The real image can now be seen, not beautiful anymore, appearing sordid, filthy, something too intolerable for those delicate eyes to see. That is how harsh the truth is. Who wants to show the truth? Who wants to reveal their innerself? Who wants to be beautiful no more? Who wants to be the best actor?
The world is still a stage but we aren't actors anymore, just mere puppets.
When we do not like someone everything just seems so wrong about them! Its as if their presence or even thoughts about them bring in negative vibes along. Any good thing they do even seems so wrong just because it is that person doing it whom we do not like. Our hatred influences us so much that we just want to see what our hatred wants to show us. Why is hatred so powerful? Is it because love is as influencing? Is it because both are different sides of the same coin that just keep switching as the coin flips?
Usually what we see isn't actually the whole story. There could be many more things too it. The more we communicate the better it is for it is only proper communication that can stop misunderstandings from building up a wall in between.
Do what it takes to save a relationship that means the world to you but not at the cost of your self respect.
We are humans. We make mistakes. We should be given a chance to rectify them. The problem is that even if we are given a chance we are seen with dubious eyes as trust once lost cannot be regained.
Are we the same person we show others that we are? Isn't there another side of ours somewhere deep inside that is not known to the outer world? Does that not make us two faced?
A friend of mine was telling me about one of his friends and I found some connection between the story of that person and mine. He told me about what things she is going through at the moment and this made me realise that I could have gone into the wrong hands, bad company and what not! Something very bad could have happened and I could have become the exact opposite of what I am now. Yes, I am very strong and the credit goes to no one but myself. I’m not bragging about myself here. Had I not gathered myself together during the last three years everything would have turned so ugly. Simran is right. I am an inspiration (at least for her) but I just hope that the lessons that life keeps on trying to teach me doesn’t make me an emotionless being in the end. At least not till the next three years. 3 years to go and my life will be back to normal and if it does not, I won’t care anymore.
Kaustu thinks that something is wrong with me.
Idk why he keeps telling me to post an entry in my diary. Tbh Im a person who just cannot maintain a diary. Accrding to me diaries are for introverts. Its for those kind of people who cannot express things otherwise and therefore have the need to write it down. I just dont like maintaining diaries because I prefer telling people about my day to day activities or my feelings. Now here kaustu will think that when he asks me I dont tell him. Yes kaustu.. Things are wrong with me but I would not want to tell you because you actually dont know anything about me. 19 years has a lot in it and all of a sudden if u expect me to tell u then you will not be able to understand because there is a lot to it which has happened before. And if you expect me to write all that down in my diary then you are wrong because Im not one who would want to keep my deep secrets or life happenings just confined to pages or here what we call diary entries. I live each and every moment and keep it along with me. Its not that I dnt tell anyone. I do, safia n noman know because they know my story. You dnt. And to tell you I would have to start from scratch because everythng is linked. But we have gone too long a way to do that too. Dekh kaustu. Im just writing this to try to make u understand. I know that it is the wrong day but since today I had already influenced your mood toh thoda aur hi sahi. And yes.. Those spiral diaries tht u saw in my cupboard were nt personal diaries. One was a rough book in which i write my poems roughly and one is fair.baaki neeche novels the. Im not wht u think me to be. Not a person who does not tell anyone anything and silently writes evrythng in her diary. Not at all.. I cant maintain diaries because I have too msny things happening in one day though most of them are too insignificant to write about but still. For me writing them does not make sense because a dnt need a non living support (diary) because I have real people with whom I can tlk about anything toh why write a diary! I knw why you want me to write one but I dont need one.
I know that in this entry i may be sounding quite negative par jab main shudh english mein baat krti hun I sound a bit rude. To all people here who write diaries, I am not calling u people introverts nor is diary writing a bad thing but its just not my cup of tea. I would prefer writing down my thoughts and posting them as a piem or prose instead. All people have their individual opinions and this was mine :) And if people are thinking ki at the first place why did i create one toh the answer is Kaustu again. He askd me to do so. Maybe because he thought ki i dnt tell him about my feeling toh maybe a diary will help but he doesnt know that here many know about what is going on because i am a person who believes in letting things out rather than keeping it inside. If someone has hurt me i will make sure that the person who has hurt me is the first to know about it so tht he/she realises his/her mistake so tht it is not repeated. Irs better to communicate at such moments rather than letting misunderstandings build up!
Happy Birthdayyyy Kaustuuuu...!!!! I kbw u enjoyed today...! I wish ki tere cake kaatne k baad tere dace par bhi lagaate tere frnds :P
Anyways, good night people and I didnt write this entry to offend anyone!
Good night :)
Today is Safa's BIRTHDAYYYYYY....!!!!!!!
okay so I was busy with my projects and presentations. But that should not b an excuse for not updating my diary. Safia's birthday is on the 30th of August and I have planned sooo many things for her...!!! Im super excited....!!!!!!! The other thing that I am going to tell you about is that I have a business plan and I am working on it. Now being a MBA aspirant I should be able to make it super successful. beginning mein I may be making about 500 a month only because of the premiliary expenditure ansd stuff, but if I am good enough, i may turn up making 2000 a month which is good enough for me because I have idle cash... tomorrow is going to be hectic because a lot of research and stuff is needed and uske baad hi I will be able to do everything. Im not going to discuss my business plan until make at least 250 ka profit nor am I going to discuss the birthday plan because who knows whether Safia sees it or not.. :P Let the suspense continue.. :P
Got to tell manyyyy things... Kal pkka.. Abhi battery dead :/
I had been gone but yes i was veryyyy busy.
Firstly.. Was studying
Secondly Internal Projects. Internal projects made me extremely busy because we had to do it in groups of 11. My group is very relunctant and they make mistakes in something or the other because of which we lose marks. So I became the group leader for all the subjects because I cannot afford to lose marks because of them and I want perfection in everything that I am a part of at least when things are in my hands. But the disadvantage of being a leader is that there is alot of extra work and you need a lot of patience. I am patient enough I feel but when I lose it I am at my worst. My friends had a taste of it some days back and they couldnt believe that I could have such a side too. I put in hard work and it did pay off. The project report was perfect and our group's one was the best. One of my friends had just recovered and was discharged from the hospital a few days back so I did her portion too.. I didnt mind but I felt happy to do something for someone. That gives me joy.. :)
After getting into college I have become so busy that when people ask me to go out with them I have so tell them that I am booked til the next month. It sounds as if I am a celebrity ki sab ko appointment lene ki zarurwt hai :P but I cant help it.. Life has become so eventful. Its never static...!
Safia's birthday is on the 30th but I havent begun planning anything yet...! :( I cant wait for another week. Have to make time for it anyhow! No matter how busy you are you have to take out time to plan your bestie's birthday...!!!
Birthday reminds me, yesterday was Shafina's birthday.. I had worn a black top n a orangy red maxi skirt.I got manyyyyyy compliments like desi pataaka, pretty, hot n yes many people said that my figure looked like that of a model..! Even kaustubh complimented me alot and said that I looked stunning and yes looked like a model too...!!!
Simran will be coming to my place tomorrow and we will watch a movie. She feels lonely most times especially after her break up that happened 3 years ago but she still hasnt comeout of it. It turned her into an introvert and she doesnt have many friends now. She is more open when Im around and I will try to get her to love her life the way I do...!
L'ove yourself and find the world loving you'
Pardon me for my typing errors...!
Good nightt.. :)
Beginning from Sunday, we had our first class in Tcc(that is the name of my mba institute) . It was a three hour class and the teacher asked one person from each row to voluntarily get up and introduce themselves. I introduced myself too. After that the teacher gave us a feedback on it. She told me that I was smart, very smart but I used mamy ands in between my sentences. It was a 3 hour session and it was good. I make sure that I study daily so that I dnt have to pressurize myself too much..
I joined college last saturday after 2 weeks! My friends were happy to see me and said that i had gained weight. Well yes.. I have gained weight in the right places and lost in the right places too...!! ;) It was devanshi's birthday today. I gifted her a card and a bag. She liked it and was happy....!! And I was happy too.. The joy of seeing others happy knowing that you are the reason for it is something out of the world...!!!
Kaustubh doesnt have time for me nor do I now have time for him because of my tuitions. Actually its the timing that goes wrong. When I am online he isnt and when he is Im not... We will surely figure something out...
I know I ddnt write yesterday.. Nor Im a writing anything today.. Kal pakka...!!
Heyya .... I wasnt able to write because my aunty n uncle arrived on friday and usse pehle ghar ki safaayi krni thi.. Trust me, Im a pro at it now :P. Aaj mere mba ki tuitions ka frst class hai which is the plan of action class.. Idk what is going to happen.. Im a bit nervous and this nervousness is eating me up. We had an evaluatin test yesterday and it was really veryyyy badd... The teacher is going to insult me in front of the entire class because Im going to come last... :( Bhagwan ji.. Plz aisa kuch magic krdo ki unka dil mere saamne thoda peeghal jaaye aur thodi kam daat pare...!! I will write in the evening telling you people about the class... :P
Heyyaa.. Right in time before the day changes.. Have been busy all day cleaning and cleaning...
Need ur house to be cleaned?
Here I am with first hand experience... Anyone interested do let me know..
Too tired.. Its been a week since I have been on a kind of cleanliness frenzy. Tomorrow will be the last day as for whom all this is going on, i.e my aunt and uncle, will be arriving tomorrow at 8.30 am.
Will get back to work.. Chalo.. Tada.. Good night .. :)
First of all,
Im not well at all
Im fucking tired.
Yes I used this word though I usually dont.. Its because Im extremely tired.
Gtg.. More work to do..
Beginning with yesterday, yesterday was awesome...!!! I went out with my bestie Safia and we had a great time! All the bad things that happened on friendship day seemed to have gone. I got letters and gifts from her!! Thank you safia fir making my dayyy...!! I did some work yesterday too and was extremely tired isliye couldnt update my diary...
So now, today I did lots n lots of work. Actually did work all day. Evening mein gave tuitions till 7.30 and then spoke to Kaustu. He put ayushi (yes our ayushi dubey of wb) on conference. We spoke for sometime. She has a sweet voice and sounds like harshita gaur of sadda haq. She gas a cute 5 year old sister jo teacher teacher k mood mein thi. Haha.. But she sounded soo cutee!!!!! It was nice talking to her :)
Well aaj i didnt need to exercise because aaj itna kaam kiya ki it made up for it! :P
Chalo ab good night....
Own a diary. Keep note of what is going on in your life. It would be amazing to look at it few years down the line. Or, you can have a diary of your imagination. A life you want to live. Note down what your character will be doing each day. Live a different life. You can keep it personal. Create one now. You'll love this concept. Login to create new.