I’m lost in the dark night, the Amavasya one
Crippled by the ghostly shadows,
My soul is wiped into the ocean of negative ebullience,
The ebullience of rejection, loneliness, detachment, devastation, desolation or any name one could give to hopelessness from life…
I just can’t take the pain anymore, the pain to survive a monotonous lifeless life without feeling love,
The wicked energies are taking liveliness away from my soul,
My aura has diminished,
I’m becoming breathless.
There comes the moment I’m about to break off,
I’m on the verge to take the last breath of this materialistic life,
I close my eyes and I’m gone.
My unconscious soul is rendering around finding a place to settle down,
A place from where I could not be disturbed anymore with the worldly pain,
I encounter the fearless moment,
Fearlessness of separation from life and accepting death of my existence.
Suddenly out of nowhere, my heart speaks up, “Why are you giving up letting me beat enough?”
I’m surprised to see a beating heart in my body without a soul,
There comes a voice from my subconscious, “Are you done enough with this life?”
The shattered soul doesn't react even a bit, it is still lifeless,
My body is trying to move but it’s immobilized without soul,
My consciousness tries to awake me from this deadly sleep
But alas, my soul is lost in the storm of hopelessness to get rejuvenated again,
Meekly, it questions, “Why life?”
My consciousness replies, “Why not life”
The soul brags again, “I've no reason to live.”
Here comes another reply, “Do you need a reason to live with yourself?”.
The soul is getting irritated with repulsive arguments, “Why don’t you let me go? Life deceived me. It promised to bestow love upon me always and nourish me carefully but it proved me extinct. Now when it has nothing to offer me, you come to me and beg for return. I don’t want to be with a lifeless body.”
Consciousness thinks for a while and comes forward with another reply, “The materialistic body is immature to understand your venerability. Show me the route to enlighten you so I can train the culprit mind.”
My soul is tired of the fake promises mind always manipulated it with. Still, seeing no way out to rest in peace without shutting it down, it shouts again, “I want love, unconditional love. I want motivation, confident motivation. I want acceptance, guilt-free acceptance. I want courage, fearless courage. I want life, carefree life.
My consciousness is silent, no more explanations to justify itself. It realized the reason my soul is devastated.
In rushing through fast forward life, it had forgotten to nourish the insides. It kept messing with outsiders thinking they will love its intelligence, it kept messing with circumstances thinking they will change some day, it kept messing with every positive vibe thinking it will bring contentment and I should not let myself rest without touching the sky.
The materialistic mind never realized desires have no horizons. It realized it never came to itself for solutions to problems. It never realized that it was trying to change outside energies which were irresistible BUT it should have worked upon the insides.
Now when it is tired, it came to the soul for peace but poor soul is already on the voyage to leave.
The self was taken granted and molested every moment with an egotistic illusion that it won’t survive without intelligence but alas, intelligence was going dead without self-enlightenment.
Seeing the consciousness dumb, my heart cried out, “Please don’t leave me. I’m all alone in this cruel world without you. I want you to live again and cherish the life but this time, I’ll not compromise your nourishment at the cost of external forces. If nobody loves you, I’ll make love to you. If you don’t have any wealth, I’ll make your materialistic body wealthy with health and positive ebullience. If you feel incomplete, I’ll complete you by beating with your every sigh. If you feel lifeless, I’ll encourage you to stay adventurous and do what you feel like.”
This time, heart was so pure that my soul didn't have a single thought to re-consider.
My lifeless body realized the absence of soul only when it was about to leave and had encountered the fearless moment before final death.
My eyes wanted to twinkle again but to admire own self,
My nostrils wanted to smell again but the self-fragrance,
My ears wanted to hear again but the melodious self-heartbeat,
My hands wanted to move again but to create help for own self,
My feet wanted to walk again but to the road which lead back to itself,
My consciousness is delighted to the see the ray of hope from every part of my body. It just needed my soul to approve the contract.
My sub consciousness seemed to have found the way to reciprocate its question, “Yes, I’m done enough with creating life for others. Now, I've still a long way to go, to live without being wanted by world but by oneself.”
The soul is getting restless with positivism overflowing through the whole body. It is still not convinced but it is on the final moment, to leave or to stay. But how can it shut up every single voice coming out of the dead body crying out for its presence.
The soul felt loved,
The soul felt wanted,
The soul felt hopeful,
The soul felt alive again…
The moment soul entered my paralyzed body; I woke up with a shivering.
Oh damn, it was a dream,
It was supposed to be the end of life but no it was end of dream,
BUT it was the beginning to life…
Perhaps I slept last night with the same anxiety which everyday life is feeding me with 24*7,
Luckily, the dreamy world gave explanation to the restlessness I've had.
But what was it that awoke me from unknown enlightenment?
Well, it was the fearlessness from living a life freely with self.
Thankfully death didn't arrive at my door so early in life and my hopelessness from deceiving life didn't take the final poll on me.
I realized the worth of myself; I realized the worth of life :-)