“The word goodbye stuck to her tongue. She wasn’t ready to say it. Because goodbye weighed more when forever hung off the end. And she wasn’t sure about forever. She wasn’t sure about anything. Except that, at that moment, she wanted to believe he would always be there. Even if it meant many years down the road. She needed to still have something to hold onto.”
― A. Lynn, Itsy's Ugly
I am a sucker for giving second chances to people. Wait,not second chances,endless chances,till they hurt me and squeeze every ounce of faith in them out of me.Then,when reality strikes that the time for infinte chances is finally over and realization hits,I withdraw,wondering why I ever put in so much time and effort in the first place.I vow to myself never to plant seeds of faith in bonds of humanity again and strut around with a huff,angry at myself for being visibly blind.Nevertheless,Aries that I am,the ever optimistic sunsign, I gear up again and hence starts the whole process of friendship,faith,love and futile relations. Never do I learn from my mistakes or maybe I just don't want to?!! I know not what keeps the faith alive but as long as I keep getting crushed and keep hitting back again,I will still be a sucker for giving chances.We are,after all,humans; Flawed,fixable and still frail.
People aren’t always what you want them to be. Sometimes they disappoint you or let you down, but you have to give them a chance first. You can’t just meet someone and expect them to be everything you’re looking for and then be angry when they’re not living upto every hope and aspiration you projected onto them. It’s foolish to believe that someone will be what you imagine them to be. And sometimes, when you give them a chance, they turn out to be better than you imagined. Different, but better.
But what if,after endless chances,nothing changes? What if it makes you wonder what would it take for them to love you back and stop hurting you?Woudn't it be oh-so-clear to any outsider that one person keeps giving chance after chance,silently seething with pain and the other seems to vanquish them,defeating the whole purpose of chances,crushing the hope and minute expectations..; wouldn't it be oh-so-clear to the outsider that its just a one-way game where the only player seems to be losing all the time?
I know I'm just poking a wound,not healing it. I know I've given up expecting someone to heal it with love and care.I always believed in Never giving up on someone.Especially not someone you love. Sometimes the answers you are looking for are the same answers another person is looking for. Two people searching together are always better than one person alone.But do you know what's been happening all this while? I keep holding to people and they keep leaving.
People told me that people never change. I refuted the argument saying -this isn't how its gonna turn out. Things haven't been easy but now..this period of being together is going to be blissful.People shook their heads,shrugged their shoulders,told me that I was being stupid and walked off.I shook my head at them,took out my cellphone,looked at your picture and restored my faith.
I still have faith, I still want to believe you will set things right.I am a sucker for giving chances. I think I will be,even after you led me to believe time and again that I was just being a fool.Introspection makes people realise that they are being selfish,that they should change and that maybe they need to put in a li'l more effort...i.e if they truly want to. I did some self introspection and I am still trying my best. I will. Don't you see..I want this to stay.Don't you see, I'll give endless chances to prove myself wrong about you..to prove that yes,we are meant to be and I will bring back the love we shared,which seems to have eloped with the change in weather.
Everyone has a past. I have mine, you have yours, and we have ours. No matter what it takes, I will prove to you that our past, no matter how hurtful, can't ruin the future we could have. Only we can either make that happen or run from it. It's our decision this time. There are no outside influences that can push us one way or the other. There's only you and me and what could be.
This year is about to end. I have tucked in all the beautiful memories you left me with. Your dimpled smile, your wake-up calls.Your sweetness and the strong arms which made me feel safe.You imprinted upon me your nature, your carefree attitude, your zest for life and your love.And that imprint can never be erased.I always told myself,its either you or nobody else.This year is about to end. And I have only one choice to make.
I'm either holding on or letting go.
What I do is upto you. Actions affect decisions.