First of all, I apologize..
just for the fact that I'm a FEMALE.
My parents screwed their nose in disgust...especially my dad...on learning 'chokri hai'!
He disappeared somewhere for hours after that and wouldn't talk to anyone for days after 'I' happened..
(Mom disclosed this to me years later!)
Brother, three years older to me, is definitely more preferred..he's so smart! He can always think better, study better..etc etc
I have to learn cooking, sewing, cleaning the house..(for I'd finally end up in my future hubby's home!)
If I get good grades in school, oh..that would be attributed to the fact that my classmates were all dumbos!
I have to have bodyguards..read..my dad/brother/worried mother...accompanying me everywhere I go as a kid and eventually as a teen too.
Becoming a teen is a nightmare come true.
For now I must STOP behaving so kiddish, but be mature.
I must be ALWAYS dignified when outside, must not smile at boys..why..I shouldn't even crane ..sprain..my delicate neck to gaze at them.
I might be polluted!
My teeth shouldn't be seen while smiling.
If I had a dimple..Oh goodness..I'm done for!
Then I mustn't smile altogether!
Western clothes are revealing..too tight..
(How come sarees aren't? May I ask? especially the lowest cut, bare-back fully visible blouses, with navel revealing, sexy body hugging, tightly worn sarees worn by Indian women at functions..why..even on the streets?)
Salwar kameez is best, according to them...but chunni must be always in place..shouldn't move one inch to the left/right.
Now managing a fluttering chunni in public is like dealing with a misbehaving rowdy on a crowded street.
Half my time goes in checking if it's in place, that I can't concentrate on anything else!
I shouldn't talk loudly. Not a sign of true woman, they say.
But if I speak in low voice, none can hear me..and when I get zero in my oral exam my parents scold me badly.
Crowded places terrify me. Men stare. They nudge.
If I wish to pass, they wouldn't budge.
Sight of a fishy looking policeman scares me even more.
What should I do? Who should I be?
Am utterly confused.
If I get a job, it's 'sheer fluke' they say.
'A woman's place should be always at home'.
On being promoted...'oh..she slept with the boss!'
Marriage makes things worse.
Monster-in-law..sorry MIL makes life hell for me.
She wanted a 'very fair' bride for her son in the first place..
but now she says,'she hypnotized my son!'
If I cook well, she's jealous..
if I don't, all hell breaks loose!
If I keep myself trim, she's unhappy(because she's fat)..
otherwise she calls me 'moti'!
Now I'm seventy..
MIL has gone to be with the Lord..thank God!
I'm old and wrinkled, hubby, even more.
Kids are grown and flown.
I'm alone all day..(he spends more time out than in)..maybe with his drinking buddies!
I wonder..was my life worth all the trouble..
what if I were a male?
An Indian male..
A life replete with frills and thrills.
I sincerely apologize for being an Indian woman!!!