Before I start, I must say few things. Firstly, there are people in this world who are blessed from God and people who are naturally cursed. In our story, Annie is the blessed one and I (Iffi) am the cursed one. Secondly, I am emotionally really weak and Annie is emotionally really strong, but she is afraid to face the realities of life and I am facing all realities and bitter facts as its us who put ourselves in the position we are. Thirdly, we both are from Pakistan and are Muslim. It is against the teachings of Islam to have a physical relationship before marriage, that’s why the way we both were brought up in our own families we knew that physical relationship before marriage is a sin but love has no boundaries.
It all started with a Facebook request in autumn 2011 when she was 16 and I was 20. She lived not far from my house and I sent her a Facebook friend request. After few days, she accepted my friend request and we started talking and swapped phone numbers. Days passed, we became close to each other and decided to meet. It was late at night when I went to her home, everyone in her home was sleeping when we were having our first romantic times of our lives in veranda. We hugged and kissed for about 30 mins. That was the start of everything, we started to meet again and again and it wasn’t long before when we moved our meetings to her bedroom. Our understanding and relationship developed and we very quickly moved from kissing to getting naked and doing everything. Our plan was to marry each other; this is the only reason we got in a physical relationship. We had ups and downs during our relationship in 2011 and 2012 but we held each other’s hand all time and didn’t let go our feelings. We were so deep in love that every week we were spending at least 3,4 nights together and spending romantic times. Every time I touched her, every time I kissed her, I loved her more. People always told me “Love starts to perish away when your bodies touch each other”. This wasn’t the case with me, every time I touched her, every time I kissed her, I felt more responsible for her and I loved her more. Anyways, our time passed and came summer 2013.
On July 10th 2013, she moved to Oslo with her family. We were still in relationship when she left, we talked every day and stayed in contact. In October 2013, out of nowhere she decided to breakup with me and left me alone but I was in love with her so I didn’t let her go. Upon asking “Why are you leaving me?” She always said that I used her to fulfil my Physical needs but that’s not true, I believe everything is allowed in love and touching your partner is just another way to express your love. Anyways, I stayed in contact with her and we talked sometimes as friends. That was hard time for me because I am not the kind of person who looks around when I am alone, I am not the kind of person who looks for other girls, I am not the kind of person who’ll give up so easily on my love. I was left alone but somehow I managed to live and passed 2 years. When I graduated from university in summer 2015, I had a choice to make either to move to UK or to Australia for higher studies. I decided to come to UK, the only reason I chose UK was that I won’t be far from Norway and I might get a chance to meet Annie. So, I moved to UK in September 2015.
Ever since I moved to UK, I am working full time to save some money and get my life on track. As we were in contact, I asked Annie to allow me to come and meet her in Norway, but she always refused to meet me. However, In June 2016 she agreed to meet and I booked my flights and hotel in Oslo for last week of July. On July 22nd, when I arrived at Oslo airport, she came to greet me at the airport and I hugged her and kissed her on her head. It was so nice to finally see her after more than 3 years. We had the best time together that day, she stayed with me whole day and I dropped her at her home later that night. Next day, she came to my hotel early in morning and we stayed together that day as well, we enjoyed whole day sightseeing Oslo and shopping. Later that evening, when we were relaxing in hotel, we kissed and I must say it was a really passionate kiss. That time I realised I cannot say Good bye to her as I was leaving next morning. I started crying and I felt like it’s my last day alive, she gave me lot of comfort, she hugged me so much trying to relax me as if I was hers. Just moments later, she said “Iffi, I know no one can love me more than you do”. I asked her than why can’t you let me enter your life again.. she said “I can’t forget those fearful nights, when you used me, those nights haunt me whenever I think of you”. I cried a lot that evening but eventually that Good bye time had to come and I went to drop her at her home and said Good bye. She comforted me that we will meet again.
That night when I came back to hotel, I cried and fell ill, I couldn’t sleep properly whole night and my body was literally shivering by morning because of sickness. My whole trip back to UK was no less than hell. I rang her every day and told her ‘I Miss you’ and she got angry each time I told her and after 2 days she told me that she is blocking you everywhere, I begged her not to block me on snapchat, So she decided not to block me only on one condition and that’s ‘I don’t disturb her’, by the way by disturb she means I don’t say ‘I miss you’, ‘I love you’ and anything that gives a hint of my feelings and not to send messages too much. I had no choice but to accept her conditions. Now that 12 days have passed, I still can’t sleep at nights, I don’t get hungry, I hardly eat anything and my mind has totally been fucked up, and the worst thing is she doesn’t give a shit about me. I can’t tell her but I hope God informs her about my situation.
I have already booked my next tour and have informed her, she is saying it will be our last meeting, but I am not saying that. I am going on 2ndsep for days. For people who love, they keep following their loved ones on social network and remain in good contact all time. For people in one-sided love, they send messages and wait for reply from their loved ones. My love is one sided- but it’s so bad that I am blocked from everywhere except snapshot and when I send her message or any snap, I don’t wait for reply but I just keep on checking whether she has seen my message or not, I check every 2 mins whether she has seen my message or not, sometimes she doesn’t read my message just to hurt me. She hardly sends me a message, once in 2 days. Whenever I see that message is from her, my days lightens up.
She is not just my love, but she is lucky for me as well. I’ll tell you one true story, back in 2012 she was once angry with me so she did not send me Good morning message, that day as I was going to university, I had an accident but I survived from any serious injury. Now she never sends me Good morning message that’s why my life has been fucked up so much.
Now I think why she left me and I realize that I shouldn’t have started a physical relationship with her, she was scared of me and afraid that I might tell everyone about her story and destroy her life if she threatens to leave me. That’s why she didn’t leave me when we were in Pakistan but I never thought of destroying her life. I feel she is my responsibility as I took over her when we were so young. I want to marry her and take her responsibility.
I have brought so many changes in my life to impress her but she never appreciates me. I listen to her, I try to do whatever she asks me to do, she can see everything but she keeps on ignoring me. Annie thinks that I would be able to forget her as the time will pass, but I have realised it’s not how it looks, it’s easy for Annie to forget me but it’s really hard for me to even imagine myself with someone else.
I have no one in my life except her, I talk to her about everything, I have discussed everything with her, she knows her importance in my life but she refuses to believe it. I don’t love a single person other than her, she is the only person I love and I am proud of that and I will love her till my last breath. Annie thinks it’s funny and I would forget her after some time like everyone else but I have realised I am not like other people and my love is somewhere above the boundaries of love. So, I won’t be forgetting her, that’s for sure.
I cry, I cry and I cry all the time. My eyes are always full of tears; I am always having a headache. The last time I was not having a headache was when she was rubbing her hand on my hand when I was crying in front of her on 23rd July. Everyone in my family, everyone at work knows something big is wrong, they are asking me to tell but I am not, I cry at work, I cry at home and I cry when I am out somewhere. My day starts with tears in my eyes. At work, I have to run to staff toilets every quite often to cry. When I get back home, I have to cry for at least 30 mins to feel little better. At night I have to cry to go to sleep, sometimes I do get sleep after crying but sometimes I don’t sleep at all even after crying. When I do sleep I hardly sleep for 3 or 4 hours and I have to get up every hour to shed few tears. I am in big trouble, I die every night and wake up every morning with a new hope.
Her pretty face is always in front of me, her beautiful voice is always in my ears, her taste is always in my mouth and her body fragrance is always in me. I need a second chance, from the hardships I have seen in our one-sided love to the patience I have had for so long, I deserve second chance. I won’t give up on her so easily as she is the only reason I work hard in my life. Any decision I make, I keep her in mind and think what’s best for us, then I make my decision. Next time I meet her, I will ask her for another chance, I will properly beg her because I can’t love anyone else, there is no chance that I can see anyone else except her, so it’s either her or no one. It’s my life’s question, so I can’t just let her go, I have to struggle and keep hope. I have already told her no one else will come in my life and I will stand by my words.
My story continues…..
