Failure in life

Just like any other person, I am also an individual with a distinct personality, though not very attractive, yet I manage to look decent, I have a strong opinion about things, I have my own wishes and I’m in no way shy to say out things I want to. The thing that I don’t have with me is, Friends. No, not F.R.I.E.N.D.S., friends. But that’s by choice. Not to mention the non-existent Love life.

For some people the thing that defines them is their job, their personality, their wealth, their friends. But for me, it happens to be my anti-social-ness. I have never been a person who ever had any friends, though I wanted to have many. That’s why they say, “You never get what you want the most.” The more I happen to know people, the more I repel them, and that’s when I realize that it’s better to be secluded and in your own world.

Let me quote some of the instances from my not so long life.

This is when I was in class 2, a seven year old, who is expected to have the entire class as friends. But me? you wish. There happened to be a very popular girl in class, who had all the girls as her ass-lickers. They would form a group and seclude me from the entire class (as kids, we generally used stick with the people of the same sex, and talking to the opposite sex was considered committing an alien activity prohibited in the country). I was though, teachers’ favourite and had good marks in my bag, so I was contended to excel somewhere if not with friends.

Three years later, 10 year old me, kids in the locality playing cricket, I remember a 15-year-old witch playing with us, who specially influenced the rest of the naïve kids to not play with me, for reasons only known to her. I return back home with a sad face, disheartened with somewhere blaming myself. Having only one friend to play/pass time with, I grew up believing that friends were not for me.

Class 10, age 15 years, I was standing in the school corridor talking to a friend, when another friend of her comes to talk (I didn’t know her), I expected them to have casual greetings, but as five minutes passed, and I continued to listen to their gossip, without contributing to it, the girl took my friend away, to her class, and I just stood there blankly, trying to realize what happened. That was the first time, college gave me a lot of such instances. So I got used to it eventually and stopped caring and eventually reciprocated too!

Take a 3 year leap and land on the first day of college, with all the excitement and a new hope in my eyes to make new friends here in a new environment, and on the very first day my dreams were shattered within a blink of the eye. I hated myself to the core for choosing this college and how I was ready to even commit a crime to take admission in this college. I spent (still not over) the rest of the three years cribbing and hating and crying for not having good enough people around me. I had a few friends though, but they were not just good enough for me. I desperately wanted those three years to end so that I can be out of the shitty college and most importantly, away from those mean assholes.

Present day, after taking the exam, we all (my so called friends in class) stood there discussing the exam paper, a group of seven people, discussing in groups of 2 , guess who was standing alone holding the paper by herself? Yep! Yours truly.