Here I am back again. Back with my own queries and doubts. I wonder, am I the only person who suffers from self-doubt or there are others with similar queries? In any which way, I am certainly not happy, at times. I don't know why but I mostly doubt it's my desire to be 'perfect'.
I don't claim to be a perfectionist but won't deny if someone quotes me though. It is absolutely hard to live with this disorder. Yes, desire to be perfect in everything you do is no less than a disorder. The rule of nature says that no one is perfect. One can't be perfect at all. Yes, you can desire to achieve that but don't lose hope or doubt self if you fail to get that. Nonetheless, in my case, it's quite opposite. I get pretty emotional and heartbroken if I fail to achieve what I desire to.
There have been times when I have had spent my entire day just wondering where did I went wrong. For other my actions and work was perfect but me, on the other side, had total disagreement on that. This is hurting, really. I don't want things to go out of hand, though I know that there are situations which aren't controlled by any human being.
In this pursuit to achieve that perfect self satisfying result sometime kills me from inside. There are moments when I get deep into the self-doubts which further reflects on my work and mood. This is very disturbing. I really want to get over it. I really want to accept things as they come, no matter if they half or broken or even imperfect. I guess, that's the only to self-happiness.
I am a writer, a creative individual. I can't suffer self doubts as that would ultimately convert me to a machine who is just working for nothing. I want to work and live. I want to fly high. And this could only be possible if I leave my baggage behind and start the life afresh. This is the message to all out there, self doubt isn't good for you, no matter what you do. You need to be confident and should support what you do. One moment of self doubt and everything's gone. Everyone lives life, learn to enjoy it. :)