Death was imminent now,as the highway lights whipped by faster , faster than had been before.. The crazy dude was now driving the spluttering old Maruti Omni at more than one twenty kilometres an hour.The night air was cold, and S could hear his teeth chatter, but the sound was dwarfed by the loud thump thump of his heart. He was going to die any moment , and the reason for that was his own stupidity. Right from birth, he had been taught not to trust strangers, just like moms and dads teach their kids all around the world. He was a normally carefull guy, a bit "jolly" a s his friends might call him after a couple of shots of vodka, but careful all the same. The drinks had probably gotten to his head when he decided to stop his old Omni for the hippie- looking dude,
bandana, long hair and all..
Hippie had asked him for a lift to Bangalore, where he apparently stayed.He said he was out to find the meaning of life, just like many other nutters out there who bag packed for a couple of months now and then to get away from it all, only to run back to the dredgeries of their understandably sordid lives. He had a huge duffle bag that was stuffed, probably with the heads of all his victims,S thought.
The national highways and their ability to pass through some of the remotest locations in the country had given birth to a varied variety of people, psycho killers, bandits, child molestors etc. they used varied strategies, including leaving an empty baby trailer to throwing eggs to distract their victims. People smart enough to recognize these traps would calmly drive away, as was adviced by the Highway police in every other turn. The rest of the idiots got either ripped off all their valuabless, or worse , killed for it.
A couple of months ago, S had seen a news report saying a new killer was on the loose,one that took you to remote places and then chopped your head clean off with a machete, just for the fun of it. The head hunter had claimed five victims so far, and the police had been looking at some leads , a cliched line that had been used from time immemorial, or a decent way to say they were just sitting around scratching their balls hoping the killer would come in feeling bad for the things he has done. S imagined that scene, the head hunter walking into a police station and keeping the stack of chopped heads on the Inspector Generals office, smiling as he did so, and felt a shudder pass through him. He didnt hwant to die this early in life, but knew just like shitty office on Monday mornings, death was always lurkimg around the corner. Now he sat there riding shotgun in his dads old Omni,, hoping that atleast the end would be in one smooth motion, rather than the bleeding-slowly- to -death type of killings you see in the Quentin Tarantino movies.
The killer seemed to sense his thoughts, for he slowly turned his eyes to S and smiled. "You dont have a smoke by any chance, do yo?" he asked..."I feel kinda nervous when i am driving.." he trailled off.. S himself had beads of sweat now dotting his balding head, as he watched the speedometer needle cross the 140 mark. The fifteen year old vehicle was vibrating loudly now, and the cars and bikes zipped by faster than lightning. "Maybe you shouldn't drive so fast..." S began.. as they narrowly missed a state bus. "Hmmm".. The killer said, his eyes on the road, a faint line of concern on his forehead. Some killers atleast had a sense of humour, this one seemed to be emotionless.. He was staring at the road, concentrating apparently, as the lights flickered in front of their eyes like stars speeding past an asteroid.
"Do you plan to live forever?", he asked at lst, his eyes still on the road. He was asking it as though it was a simple thing, like "Do you like the new Metallica album ?" or "Do you think you will have kids?".. But coming from a psychopathic killer driving a van at breakneck speed on a highway prone to accidents, the words felt heavy to S.. "Well , I plan to atleast live to get home" , S said, as they narrowly missed a car at close to 150. The speed was enough to chop S into little pieces, and here he was listening to philosophy from a Psycho killer. Maybe he wouldnt chop S's head off after all, maybe it will all end for S on the road behind a two tonne sand truck, with a big " Horn Ok Please" written in blood red in the rear. " Ha Ha Ha, you are a funny man, Mr. S.. A real joker.. I just said it because i have been watching you secretly for the last ten minutes and you my friend have nearly pissed in your pants twice!! What are you so scared of man? Life is short.. live every moment of it, or die trying to atleast...
"We are going to die.. yes.. but Why do you take the heads off..? I mean, Why cant you just shoot your victims instead or poison them.. Like the regular psychopaths do?S asked,as he watched the odometer stubbornly refusing to move from 150. " Umm. I didn't "get you, the psycho said", has the fear gotten to your head?. You think i am that serial killer on the prowl dont you? Ha Ha Ha... Oh man i have been accused of some pretty crazy things in life, but a psycho killer… You seriously need to see a psychiatrist dude.. Ha Ha “ They were now 70 kilometres from Bangalore, the outskirts of an ever expanding city. The highway was dotted with small hillocks on the side, which were surrounded by huge boilders , like guardian sentinels protecting an ancient city. The psycho saw an exit on the highway that lead to one of these hillocks,and, at breakneck speed, steered sharply towards it. The Omni barely managed to stay on four wheels, as it scraped the metallic barriers meant to protect vehicles from going over those turns.
“WHAT THE FUCK MAN!! YOU ARE THE PSYCHO KILLER AREN’T YOU? “ S asked, unable to control his fear anymore. Death had just blown him a flying kiss, as the vehicle missed going over the turn by a whisker . They were now on a bumpy road, which was surely going to end soon on a steep cliff or a boulder. “Sit still and don’t panic.. This is the part where it gets interesting”, the psycho said. The Omni nearly tipped over as it hit small hillocks now, jumping five feet into the air and landing on four wheels . S hit his head on the roof and tasted blood in his mouth, and looked sideways to see the driver bleeding from his nose. The vehicle was now hurling uncontrollably, and S saw a steep fall approaching at a hundred metres.It was not a deep gorge, but if the Omni went over the cliff at that speed, then death was going to be anything but painless.
The cliff had a steep climb to approach it, and the driver was downshifting as they started the final ascent. Fifth gear turned to fourth, then to third and second. The powerful engine roared in protest at the fast change of pace, but the driver held his ground. He threw the gear to first, and the only thing now carrying S and the psyho towards certain death was kinetic force, a term he had picked up in high school. For some strange reason, his thoughts turned to his elementary Physics text book, with a dull red and yellow colour and pages that always seemed to fall off. The Omni , which had been slowing steadily up the climb, creaked and came to a complete stop at approximately four feet from the edge.
S, who was expecting a free fall any moment, felt a warmth spread through his inner thighs.. he had wet himself, something he had not done since he was five. There was a constant buzzing noise inside his head and his teeth seemed to chatter , but the noise that was most prominent was a shrill laugh that now seemed to fill the Omni. He managed to look sideways at the psycho killer, who also, surprisingly, seemed to be in a state of shock. He was gripping the steering wheel hard and was staring straight ahead. After some time, the Psycho switched off the engine and S heard a creak as the drivers door opened and the Psycho got out of the car. He walked to the edge of the cliff, sat down , and after a few seconds, S could see that the Psycho had lighted up, finding the cigarettes in his glove compartment after all. S opened his door, and walked up to sit beside the Psycho, his legs dangling over the cliff.The Psycho looked at him and smiled, ad S couldn’t help smile back. Near- Death experiences did that to people, make best friends of complete strangers. The psycho threw the keys at S, smiled, and said “ The brakes had failed 20 kilometres back. If I had stopped then, we would probably have been run over like rodents on that highway. The fuel was low, that’s why I sped up, to find a side road, like this one, as soon as possible. I just saved our lives man, but strangely, at those few moments close to death, that’s when I felt really ALIVE!!”
S looked at him in shock, realizing that the bandana wearing nutter sitting next to him and smoking Kings was not the head hunting psycho killer after all. They chatted for some more time, when S learnt that Mr.bandana was a 26 year old IT guy enjoying his one week of annual vacations, who has been hitching rides all the way from South Kerala,seeing the countryside and all. S introduced himself, chatted for some more time and then excused himself. He needed some time of his own.
The machete too was getting old, S thought, but it did its job well. With one clean swipe, the head had come clean off . But the bandana wearing head rolled all the way to the bottom of the mini cliff, and S had to do a small trek downhill to retrieve it. He put it in his duffel bag, along with his other victims head from Mysore. Bandana need not have died, S thought, but he shouldn’t have asked for lifts from strangers. Didn’t his mom and dad teach him anything? S smiled, as he pushed the Omni back to the highway. He was right on one count though… S really needed to see a Psychologist……
