No matter, what happened between us, but I still begin my day by saying ‘I love you’ to your frame which is’nt there in my room but yes, it’s there in my old eyes. My fragile body, which is decaying with time, feels helpless without you. Every morning I wish I could have gone with you. There was a time when you were always there besides me to wake me up and guide me towards the backyard to catch the glimpse of dawn. Now, since your are gone I wait with my closed eyes, for you to re-appear from somewhere and take me to the backyard. Your foot-marks from last autumn that we spent together are still intact as though that season had never passed. The Chill of morning gust made me feel the same pain when you were with me, but now it had changed to something else. Sorry, I can’t even express those feelings in words.
Remember the candles, which you left gleaming! Now they do not even heave up smoke. I always wonder if you were here, then at least they had been sparkling endlessly. Nonetheless, now, when I am adrift in the house, I always strive to feel your footfalls following mine, but they appear nowhere. Curtains of the entire house are still left slightly open, as you used to keep them, for my first look whenever I would come back. But now, I always keep my eyes on them for your first look, hoping that you would come back some moment. You know these growing eyes had started turning blur and daily, I attempt to negotiate with them for little more time. Even the kitchen does not smell the way it used to and the food does’nt taste the same. Although, I still used to cook the same as before, I fail to understand what has changed suddenly. With every meal, I try to figure out is it the spices or the proportion or the make. Everything appears to be the same except your voice with grimace face.
Its summertime, all bright sunny days, but I guess I’m caught up with cold. I cannot smell anything. House seems inodorous. Perhaps I am left with no care that is the reason. Well, you know, I walk around the entire house and try to smell your aroma but it has left the house. Why don’t I know? Perhaps it is due to summer‘s cold in which nose gets choked. You know, whenever I seek you, I end up with heavy lump in my throat, I am sure it is nothing but the cold but if you were here, I had been enjoying good health and your natural fragrance.
Now, if power goes off, I call your name repeatedly in a polite manner. It doesn’t matter how far you would be, but I still call in low voice since I know you hate listening your name in loud voice and consequently I end up with no reply, even after hours. Perhaps, it’s due to your endless sleep, which you are having in your coffin.
How stupid am I Despite of knowing that you were resting in peace I always call you, I always seek you, I always wait to see your first look, I always stroll around the entire house with a stick, glasses and fragile body looking for you hoping that I might be wrong and you would come somehow.
Now it’s time to sleep, need to wake up early to see the dawn.