There were days when I used to set limits but fail to follow it. I don’t know the reason but guess it happens. All of us do go through such a phase I think. It started a year back when suddenly I felt to be different. Maybe the need was to look good and have a good muscled body. Hence, I started to go gym and I used this and that products. For time being I felt good, as I said just for time being.
The attentions that I got made me feel kind of superior. I enjoyed that. I ignored everything else. It feels good when you are showered with limitless flowers of feedbacks. Okay then. I set and kept myself within a boundary. The urge to prove, the urge to be cool was on stake. But it did nothing but worsened the situations. Every time I thought that I was different, I was left with the same that there was no difference. The realisation never hits soon and the same happened. I went on and on. Making and breaking rules, expecting when I should not have expected. I had been lying to myself. I thought that the world was a big mistake, but deep down I knew that mistake was on my side. A year passed and nothing but depression stood with me. I was happy during many situations but deep down I don’t know why but my conscience was not happy with me. I believe in my conscience. It is god to me. I needed to be fair with it.
I am using the sense in past. Now I am gonna talk in present sense.
I am here. I am now what I am. I know the things I should do and what I should not. Every day I go to walk in evening and sit somewhere watching the sun set. I talk to the sun. I confess my mistakes to him and I promise to not to repeat it. The sun just goes down and never talks and I like it. I see and I thank for this life. I will never back down. I don’t know about what all this sins and all. But I know that the biggest sin would be to run out of your identity.
I am gonna write because it makes me happy. Do what makes you happy. This is all I got to tell.
