People say that love has no language and there is no particular age to fall in.But the problem in teenage love is that in the most of the cases it occurs as infatuation in disguise. There is no rules of love and it is brain independent.They say that the time place and situation to fall in can be uncertain. I was in class ix when suddenly I have fallen in love.I never did seriously think about love before. And to me it was the most complex emotion that I always wanted to avoid. I had a weird idea that if someone falls in love in school days, he would definitely mess up his career. Being a small town boy and a totally introvert I always had difficulties in mixing or talking to any girl. Though I had been studying in co ed school from my childhood I faced a lot hesitation and uneasiness while being around a girl. I even vowed that I will not fall in love till I join college. But life really is unpredictable . It had written something else in my fate.
I was good at studies. My classmates knew me as a serious type student, concerned only with his career. But that was the half truth. Despite being a serious student I was not boring. I used to play cricket passionately, and read a lots of storybooks. I , myself had been writing poems and short stories since my teenage. But that side of my character was hidden.I was not smart. So the point is I was not at all popular in my class. Probably that was the reason that Mousumi couldn’t recognize me when we met in Shibnath Sir’s mathematics coaching class, despite of her being my classmate.She was more introvert than me and really I have never seen her talking much in class also!On my first day in the batch, I was busy in solving some problems. At that moment she entered the room in a hurry clutching her bag tightly close to her chest. She was thin, fair complexioned and moderately beautiful. Her long wavy dark hair was bouncing in the air. Mousumi was in a sea green top and black long skirt. I never had talked to her before.There was no place elsewhere so she sat beside me.Though I was feeling very uneasy sitting beside her but tried to concentrate on the problems. I finished early.Sir became impressed with me and tested me with some more difficult problems. But math was my forte, so I solved them very quickly. Mousumi and some other students were stuck between a problem. Sir asked me to help Mousumi while he was checking other’s sums. I thought, “Oh shit! Now I have to talk to her. Is she friendly?”. After a little pause in thoughts,I hesitantly said to her,” Eh!Give me your exercise books. I am giving you some hints then you will easily can solve the problems.” Though my part of duty was to help her only, but I did the entire sum in her copy and made her understand. She smiled lightly and said,” Thank you. I haven’t known your face. But I knew only your name.”
“ Oh! She speaks also”, I thought.
I replied back,” its ok. I am not that popular.”And we talked a little-about our parents, our interests etc.
She admired my math skills,” How can you solve such problems so easily? I do like math but cannot do such problems so fast.” I answered moderately,” Actually I practice lots of sums. I just love them and most of the time I am busy with solving tough problems.”
I did not exaggerate anything.For hours after hour I really could continue and focus in solving sums without feeling bored!
She looked at me as I was an alien .I didn’t mind though as I didn’t face that look for first time.
We soon became really good friends. That period of my life was a transition period. I was becoming more social.I made many good friends. Time passed smoothly and I enjoyed her company .I liked teaching her math too. Not because that it made me proud for my ability. It was just because that this made me chances to talk to her frequently.We used to crack jokes and laugh a lot. I also liked to do leg pulling on her, teasing her on habit of watching daily soap,“ Why do you girls love to watch so much daily soaps?? What is special about it?? They are filled with nothing but emotional drama and domestic repercussions.”
She used to protest saying,” Don’t tease me. There is lot more interesting things in the serials I watch . I love the romance of the main characters.Its above your understanding. “ I used to laugh aloud. When she used to get annoyed or angry, there was a unique expression on her face, that I loved to watch. And so I used to tease her at any chances I got. I was happy to find a friend so close.
But my heart started all of its nasty stuffs. I started to think of her more in a day, in the strangest of times-while busy in solving math or physical science problems, while lying on my bed and even while watching a movie. I wondered,” Why on earth am I thinking about her so much?!?! What is happening to me???”
That question arose naturally as I had never thought about any girl so much before. When she used to miss tuition classes, I felt low. No matter how hard I tried, I could not concentrate on solving sums those days. My thoughts drifted back and forth and came back to a silly question repeatedly,”why hasn’t she come?” Mousumi had also joined the same life science tuition I was in. But in this batch there was lot of pupil and I hardly got any chance to speak with her. I used to steal each glimpse of her whenever I got chance. I didn’t know if it was coincidence that whenever I used to look at her she used to look back at me and smile. And my ears used to become red when she used to look back.Her one smile could make my day brighter. Whenever I stared through her mesmerizing eyes I was so deeply involved that I used to forget tracking of time and circumstances. Some of my friends noticed that and started gossip about our relationship. We both denied such claims. However I actually liked to be teased with her name. And each time I heard her name, a smile always lighted my face. After a lot of thinking and failing logically to control my heart any further ,I concluded that I was in love. But I planned to propose her after our secondary exam. There was a fear that if she came to know about my feelings for her she might try to avoid me if she felt otherwise. After all I wasn’t sure whether she liked me or not. I didn’t want to lose her even if as a friend. I tried to suppress such thoughts. It pained me more. I also have lack of confidence . Sometimes I used to think that why a beautiful girl like her would like me.
“I am not that smart, and I certainly am not a dashing handsome boy. She will definitely reject me.”I used to worry. That thought was a terrible ache in my heart that I can’t explain. I made my mind that after my board exam I would definitely propose to her and if she would deny me I would stay away from her and would never love anyone else in my whole damn life!
It was a Monday when I had done something stupid.I came to know later that she already had doubt that probably I might like her. But that incident made my emotions crystal clear. I usually used to seat in a corner of the room beside her in the tuition. That day when I entered the room ,I saw that one of my batchmate Sudip was sitting at my spot. My heart cried in pain as I didn’t want to lose any opportunity to sit close to her by any means. I literally argued with Sudip like a child to regain my place beside her! She smiled and others also laughed at my childishness. Sir came to my rescue and I got what I wanted. Later I came to know that Sudip did it purposely to check my reactions. I became embarrassed realizing that I reacted weirdly.
But what I couldn’t know that she had also feelings for me. If she was teased with any other boy’s name, she used to get annoyed. But when her friends teased her calling her my girlfriend ,she didn’t protest. I was a fool not see her indications! I still think what would have happen if we become couples then.That would be a different story.
I did well in pre-board exam. After pre-board exam I busied myself with studies only and attended tuitions scarcely. When the results was out, I got shocked. I didn’t perform well as I should. I got really depressed and frustrated with myself. I thought if so much hard work could not bring me the result I deserved, if fate decides everything , perhaps I would never achieve success. I was totally shattered. But that was another story. Actually for the entire class xi and half of the class xii I didn’t talk to her. The reason was ,I thought I was not good enough for her and probably she was already engaged with someone else. But I was damn wrong. She got the notion that perhaps I was trying to avoid her. But my cold behavior did not restrain her wishing me on my 17th birthday. How happy I was seeing her remembering my b’day ! But somehow the ice didn’t melt between us then. Again I tried to forget her and thought that if I flirt with some other girls I could really do some timepass.. But flirting was not and is not my cup of tea.I have always hated it. Actually I used to feel very lonely as some of my closest friends busied themselves only with their girlfriends. Life really became a hell for me. I don’t know how two of my friends ,Sayanti and Partha became my best buddies at that period. They gave me company and guided me through that tough period. But still I could not forget about Mousumi. I used to dream about her. God! How much I missed her!
It was in 2012, after durga puja when I thought ,” enough is enough. Now I must at least try to be her close friend once again. The proposal part can wait .”
Mousumi had a bestfriend,Priyanka, who was my facebook friend also. I asked Priyanka for Mousumi’s mobile number. And I messaged Mousumi one day- its been long since we have talked properly. I know it’s quite late to wish you suvo vijaya but still I am wishing you, SUBHO BIJOYA DASAMI.
She replied soon,’I was hoping for your message soon. Suvo biyoya, How are u?’
And thus our friendship and conversation started once again. We used to message each other a lot and sometimes talked also over phone..She used to hesitate a lot while talking to me probably because the one and half year long communication gap between us. We shared a lot about ourselves-our family,choices,career objectives,favourites etc. And the most important part was that I was relieved to hear that she was still single! She also came to know that I was single but I loved someone. She was trying to guess the girl whom I like, I thought. But actually she already knew that I had feelings for her. She also started to fall in with me but didn’t utter a word .What a cruel girl! And I was a duffer not to see her hide n seek game with my emotions. Actually I was in duality about whether to propose her at that instant or wait for the H.S exam to be over. My poor heart was bearing too much pain. So I finally decided,’ AAR YA PAAR’. I messaged her a romantic song from the movie BODYGUARD-‘ Dil ka hay kya raaj hay jane kya kahe gaye,jayse andhere me tum roshni var gaye..kare chand taro ko mashoor itna kyu, kambakht inse vi khubsoorat hay tu… I LOVE YOU.’ It was 11th of November . She replied saying that she already knew about my feelings but didn’t give me answer.In 13th of November she suddenly asked me a question,” Why do you like me? I am not a good student like you and I am not even a smart girl. Don’t you think that I am not of your standard?”
I was ready to face such queries,” Listen love does not have a criteria for educational qualifications. And you are perfectly of my type . No one can be any better. I have loved you from class ix and still do a lot. I just want your answers.”
She said she need to think and she would let me know after our pre board which was knocking at the door steps. Another 2 days passed in the confusion about her decision and I could not concentrate my mind on anything but her. On 15th of November , Mousumi was sad about some family incidents. She asked me ,” will you be happy with me? What if our relationship hampers our career? I don’t want to create problems in your career.” I thought why on earth this girl was so silly! I assured her that no such things will happen and I would be really very happy with her. I gave pressure on her as I was unable to test my patience any longer. I urged,” I love you Mousumi from my heart. Tell me your decisions now. I cannot wait any further. I have waited and tested my patience for almost two years to propose you.Don’t prolong it. If you reject me I promise I will not pressure or disturb you any longer , and you will not hear from me.In that case we will not be able to be friends as that will pain me more. I will not be able to control my emotions and limit myself satisfied with your friendship only.”
Suddenly my fate smiled on me and her decision came as if influenced by godly intervention. I cant explain how much delighted I was hearing her answer.” I feel for you too. Ok, let’s get engaged in relationship. I don’t want to lose you by any means.”,she said.
She didn’t propose me then. The three words that my heart had longed to hear from her didn’t come by easily. Though she said yes but couldn’t put her heart completely with that decision. I sensed that but didn’t lose hope. There was lot of ups and downs in our relation despite of that. Two big problems were our family and the issue of our career prospects. Her family was conservative and did not support her attachment with me. And my mom thought that I would ruin my career for being in relationship with Mousumi. Even Mousumi wasn’t sure about our future together. She suggested that we should not continue our relation till the H.S was over. But I managed to convince her otherwise. I studied hard to prove my mom wrong. Even I helped Mousumi as much as I could in her studies also. Mousumi’s family sensed that I was not a bad influence. So they stopped making any disturbances to our relationship. Facing such hurdles at start Mousumi almost had broken down. But I managed her. She saw my dedication towards her and my `never to lose hope-attitude’ impressed her. And that was the time I won her over! I didn’t pressurize or make any hasty movements in hurry. She even tested me in her own methods. I passed with flying colours. She couldn’t resist her emotions for me and became as crazy as I was for her. She showered me with rains of unconditional love. I will not deny, now she loves me even more. As the days are passing strings of our hearts are entangling with one another more and more!
We had and still have our differences, but that is not a big deal. It’s the compassion that we have for each other keep our relationship fresh. I don’t know what comes ahead but surely hope for the better!!
I read it fully .... ^_^