Friday, January 17, 2014

“Done with the relationship, next step MARRY A STRANGER” – Indian women’s diary

One of my dear friends is annoyed at his friend, the average Indian woman. She was in a relationship for 5 years and he witnessed how happy they were together. Eventually, she dumped him and married a total stranger, an NRI and my friend is annoyed.

After many ‘why’s’ that he asked himself, he put one to his friend too. Her reply was that it was an arranged marriage and she could not defy her parents – an answer which would convince many. She added that she didn’t give in easily; she was abused and was locked up in a room by her parents. She says as a matter of fact that social status means everything today and her parents love her, so she could not defy them.

Would the father do the same to his young son – never. Especially, when the son might prove himself to be physically stronger than the father (most cases). This treatment is exclusively for daughters, for they are trained to be victims and hardly file cases on their parents.

So our lady of sacrifice (and I would contradict myself, keep reading) is abused and locked up in a room- which is a criminal offense. And yet she says ‘my parents love me’ – epitome of the Indian Disease of Denial.

Defies logic, doesn’t it! But, none is seeking help here, you notice that? You just have to term it ‘Indian system’, and everybody seems to be a big OK with that. So now what you can do is, go to the historic Golconda fort. Once you are at this venue, you would find many huge canons. Choose one, to your liking, and put your head inside that.

Oh you are still reading? , looks like you are interested to know the method behind this madness. Now that the logic is already defied, let’s move onto perspective.

The PARENTS perspective
I know the story of a woman who defied her parents and married the man she loved. She joined his ‘joint family’. One fine morning the brother-in-law (not the husband, mind you) threw acid on her face as she didn’t wear a burqa.
There are even more horrendous stories that we all know. If you have a girl child, you pay extra attention to these reality bites. And, for all obvious reasons, parents feel threatened.Hence, parents do not just blindly agree.
But these are the loving parents, who lend an ear to her. Who try to meet her boyfriend and further, visit his family. Who weigh the pros and cons of the alliance and decide accordingly. However, such parents are mostly a part of the urban India, they are educated and sum up to a meagre 5% .
Let’s move on to the rest of the 95%. These are the parents who follow the Manu Dharma Shastra. For them a woman’s truth is unnecessary. All they care for is their status in the social circle. Disobedience to this inhuman law, by the daughter is unacceptable. And parents resort to any kind of disciplinary action – RIGHTFULLY. The case of the UP man who raped and killed his teenaged daughter, for she married against his will is one of the proofs.

The ONLOOKERS perspective
- “Poor girl, what could she do. She was beat up and locked in a room.”
- “She is not a child. She could have stood up for herself or file a case on her parents. Or even eloped”
- “She sacrificed her love for parents. An exemplary and traditional Indian daughter.”
- “She used the guy to have fun and roam around shamelessly. And now, she is happily marrying a total stranger.”
- “Money changes anybody. The moment she got an NRI she dumped him”
- “How can she forget about the guy,,,,,,5 years man!!!”
- “Brother, never trust girls. All of them are selfish. ”

The GIRL’s (average Indian Woman’s) perspective.
An Indian girl or the average Indian woman is a trained victim. Though she has her own desires, she is to live as she is told. But for a moment, she mistake herself to be free. She falls in love. But when the question of marriage comes - she is forced to end the relationships. SHE HAS TO go for an arranged marriage, as per the Indian system.

It’s true that few girls date only to feel liberated or “to have fun”.

I know many who have given up their relationships sincerely for the parents. Though I fail to understand - why can’t they love their parents and the boy-friend too? It’s not like two-timing, you see, parents and boy-friend are in two different buckets.

Some girls don’t even fight for their love, though the Indian law protects and supports them. It’s a waste of time and effort to discuss them.

The ANTI-CLIMAX – I contradict myself.

What does a marriage bring to the woman? New roles to serve. You call her ‘Bahu’, ‘Bhabhi’ or ‘Beti’ - your services and your entertainment is her primary duty. Does the scene change if she fights the whole world to marry her boy-friend – NOT AT ALL. What if both of them are equally educated and earning – still, she is not equal. Even if it’s the princess who married the pauper – pauper’s parents will find fault with her.

As per the guy – she is supposed to break the tradition, go against HER PARENTS and marry him. But after the marriage – she needs to be an epitome of the same tradition and serve him and HIS PARENTS.

Apparently the girl’s boyfriend expects her to disturb her father’s personal and social life, but add balance to his own. Some girls do that too. The father, who brings them up like a princess, loves them, cares for and educates them, is given a rude blow. They just disappear on a fine day and then seek the maid’s status in the guy’s home. It’s the father who educated them, but they submit their salaries to their husbands or in-laws.

I am not against those who marry for love, but my question is, is she going to get the same value, respect and love ?
It’s an entirely different case if the guy maintains an equal status, weighs her decisions equally and takes up equal responsibilities. Loves and cares for her. That’s an ideal marriage, one you can give a life for. But, how often do you see that?
Have you ever seen a damaad (son-in-law) get a cup of tea for his tired mother in law ??
And please don’t call the maids duties as ‘responsibilities’ or ‘expression of love’. Let’s be honest.

So if this is what is in store for an Indian Bride, then why fight the world only to be the second best? Infact the girl I was talking about is a very smart one.
-By marrying as per her parents wish, she has secured her parents social status.
- She now enjoys total support from her parents, because of which her in-laws will not take her easy.
- Also, she has spit enough dowries and bought the guy to keep him quiet.
-Further, she secured the future of her children by marrying an NRI.

She is still second rated, but at a better house. She chose to travel economy class in the airline instead of economy (sleeper) class in a train. She is a smart business woman, who struck a better deal.

What about the guy ?
I think in this case, its apt to term him "collateral damage" of the Great Indian System. It was always the women who were the victims of this system. We must ask the guy, how does it feel to be on the receiving end. Do not call me insensitive. I think he stands there, because of his own choice. May be he chose pretty instead of personality. May be he failed to promise an ideal marriage. May be .....

After all the fuss about girls, I wonder about guys who dump their girl friends to be sold for better dowries ?

Sign In to know Author