Since Romhoe MoVague and Juslut CaBullet were in their nappies, it had been decided by their great-grandfathers that they were to be married to each other on the eve of Juslut turning 21. The CaBullets and MoVagues had had close ties since the tragically stupid death of their ancestors who killed themselves for a stupid notion of “love”.

Act 1 Scene 1

(Four twenty something old women lie on soft pillows, the room is lighted up by strawberry-scented candles, one of them is wearing a tiara that elegantly says “20! Bitch”, they all are busy painting each other’s toenails.)

Juslut: I am 20 amigos! You know what that means, right?

Friend 1: (Giggles.) Of course! That means you gonna be Mrs. Romhoe hotstuff. YOLO!

Friend 2: I don’t find him hot, Juslut’s bro be damn hotter.

Juslut: (Sighs.) Ewwww! And a double ewww on the hotness of my brother. What is wrong with you gals? I don’t want to be married to that manwhore, do you want me to end up as Mrs. Romhoe Herpes?

Friend 1: It is not like you can do anything about that. It is like a prophecy and stuff. YOLO!

Juslut: We will see about that. Cheers to one more year of awesomeness!

(They clink their glasses together.)

Act 1 scene 2

(Romhoe has just returned from college, he has debauchered sexy coeds and now he is ready to charm his way into the crevices of Cabullets’ girls although he knows about the age-old agreement that betroths him to Juslut CaBullet. He sits with his friends in a shady corner of the Cabullets’ mansion’s garden, empty beer bottles lying around them.)

Romhoe: Oh Juslut! Oh Julslut! You are sexier than the fucking moon. Hic!

Male Friend 1: Yeah man! That booty.

Male Friend 2: I would like to tap that ass.

Romhoe: Shut the fuck up bastards! Let me complete. Oh Juslut! Alas, I shall not be able to marry you as there are so many pretty ladies to be with. I don’t mind taking your virginity as a sacrificial gift my darling!

Juslut: (Leans from her window and shouts.) No way in hell is that happening.

(She proceeds to throw her tiara at him. It hits him right on his nose.)

Romhoe: (Holds his bleeding nose) Fuck you bitch! Like I would ever actually want to fuck your ugly ass! At least we do agree on the marrying part.

Friend 1: You both have to marry! YOLO!

Friend male 1: Yeah man! Bitch be right.

(All sounds and movements cease as they all see a figure coming across the pavement.)

Uncle Mgonna Di CaBullet: Blasphemy! Utter blasphemy! You can’t disobey the elders. You both are such sweet and bright people, surely being with each other for the rest of your life wont be that bad.

Juslut: (Murmurs.) I bet Juliet had it better and certainly Romeo wasn’t a walking STD.

Romhoe: What the fuck did you say? I am sure Juliet didn’t have a 10 foot pole stuck up her ass!

Uncle Mgonna Di CaBullet: I am sure you guys need to get to know each other more and an engagement ring might just make you realize how cute you look together!

Romhoe and Juslut: Kill me now!

Act 2 Scene 1

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