Nobody wants to die. We do want freedom at times or we do wish to run away from all the worries sometimes but nobody wants to die and the one who wish to I think they don't understand what they wish.
I was driving to home it was chilly winter morning. Also in my head I was recollecting to-do tasks for today.
My daughter, Izzie must be waiting as I need to drop her school and then in evening I should take my family to dinner. Dinner reminded me of yesterday's meal my wife, Cristina had cooked something special. She loves experimenting and is a wonderful cook.
Ethan is the youngest but naughtiest one. Soon he'll have to get admitted in new school which is better one I was thinking.
But suddenly there was this unbearable pain in my chest which had left me in shock. It felt as if sudden jolt of electricity pain had stroked my chest. Before I could understand or balance. It was too late. My body fell on the ground and it did not hurt and how?
Soon I realized because the stroke in my chest had already stopped my heart. My body was still there among the local people who have gathered. They were trying to find my whereabouts. Nobody touched me so didn't found I'm no longer me.
I fell asleep forever???
God why so early what about my family??
With all these questions in my mind I was standing there. I saw my wife rushing towards me with our neighbor Mr. Parker.
The beautiful face of hers now was dumbstruck. She had no idea what had struck her. She took my body on her laps tried waking me. Water was used but I was not responding. She was crying like a baby and with her I cried too. She was taking our children's name. I thought my little ones how will they deal with this. The only thought dazed me.
They took me to hospital but there they were broken the news of my demise. My friends have gathered to hospital. My wife just said what am I going to tell to Ethan and Izzie. What am I doing to my family? The man all his life wishes only one thing to give his family a secure life. That nobody gets hurt. But I was the cruelest man in the entire universe. I have left my family among insecurity, pain though I didn't choose to still I have left. I kept asking why and God he never replied.
From hospital my body was taken home. I moved as well even though I had no courage but still I wished to see my children for one last time.
Cristina had fainted the first time I was brought in. I wanted to hold her tight in my arms and tell her to be strong. I moved little closer but she was surrounded by people who could really take care of her. My brother,My mother, My daughter, My niece I saw everyone in pain and the blame was on me. I was not supposed to leave. I was supposed to father two children. How can I be so mean to run away? So coward to face life?
Izzie yelled dad was going to come to drop me from here. He is alright everyone stop crying.
Upon listening that I broke I wished if I could just say yes Izzie, baby I will be dropping you to school.
My little ethan he was in tears though he completely didn't understand what had struck. I didn't want to leave I want some more time with ethan. Just four years it's injustice God please I begged but there was no one to answer.
The rituals were being performed and the thought of disappointing, that is small word. I had done this terrible crime and I can't undo things. The thought of leaving them and getting moksh didn't relieve me but a shiver ran inside me.
Is this what people call moksh?
Absolute freedom? How can this soul get freedom with incomplete duties, unfulfilled desires?
And I was leaving after betraying my people.
I was not given chance. Not even a second when god decided to call me. Everything happened in micro seconds. I did leave, changing lives of my people for forever. I don't want moksh from the world but moksh from the guilt? Where do I find that I cried to the heaven and went on knees. With my family I wanted to stay and I wanted them to lean on my shoulder for crying but never imagined I would be reason for their pain.
There my brother did the last duties and my soul was set free from the world. Last words I said were
“I'm sorry for leaving. I didn't wantbut I was served early death maybe because of last birth karma. And so sorry that I left and for all the injustice I did. I know you are strong people and will learn to manage on your own. I'm sorry my love and I'm sorry my babies. wish I could have traded anything for coming back. But I don't have choice. So take care forever. Forgive your father and husband for running away. Goodbye.”