It was a long time ago that I wanted to witness the love story that marked my life. Four years ago, I met a young man of 25 years. At the time I was 5 years older, a dependent child and no stable work situation: I survived odd jobs from time to time, no training, a very difficult situation. He lived a golden youth, spending without counting the money that his parents generously distributed to him. 

Against all the odds, it was great love. Everything was fine as long as he was away from his family. We lived our day-to-day history. Over time, we began to make joint projects. Very early, as soon as we met and the beginning of our history, a problem appeared insurmountable: to have a relationship with a girl who had a child was taboo and therefore prohibited. The day he took me to his parents, I had to hide from his family that I had a child and to rejuvenate me for 2 years. 

In spite of everything, our love and our complicity existed. Indeed, we had everything to make a strong couple. We even considered getting married. In the meantime, there were many events: her arrival in the work market, family pressure, her road accident (a few months in a rehabilitation center), my resumption of studies ... And above all, Literally "thrown," the day after my friend returned from the rehabilitation center, threatening me and saying "he did not want that at home." 

As he continued to see me in secret, his father told him to leave the house, which he did not have the courage to do. Love was not at stake. He was faced with a choice he was not able to make. He continued to call me unhappy, in tears or drunk sometimes. Trapped voluntarily, he had been bought by his father who offered him the house and a high-end car. He even found a new girlfriend "well in every respect." For my part, I struggled in my daily life: studies, my son, depression. I did not hear from them for several months. Since then, I have found a stable job in which I flourish. 

But now, around Christmas this year, he comes back to me. I do not follow up: I have suffered enough, even if my feelings are always the same. He takes advantage of the new year to phone me and let me hear that he still loves me. I saw him again while trying to protect me. I think he resigned himself to this story that would require him to assume his choices, and no doubt a break with his family. He wants to be friends, that's the only thing he's allowed himself. 

He would probably like me to be his confidante as before. I can not hear his butt stories because he is not really in love and has another friend on his workplace abroad. I summarized as much as possible because there were many events in his life as in mine. All this raises profound questions about our own personal history, but also other more pragmatic ones: how to continue living and make me available for a new encounter? His ambiguous attitude makes it harder for me. We both know very well that this will be the great regret of our lives and no need to say it. As before a silence where a few words are enough to understand us. Such a waste! 

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