“I shall be liberated in the sky, in glorious lustre,
I shall be liberated over dust and green pasture.
Far beyond the body and mind, lost in trance
My liberation by the melody of song shall advance” - TAGORE
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Beep! And the line goes dead again. It has been 5 times since she has tried calling up her ‘dibhai’ , but of no avail.
Oh? Where on earth is dibhai? Where is Rimi ? Maybe she is in the college now and dibhai must be trudging along with her bag through the bazaar. Dibhai does not use a cell phone either . but I need her NOW! – Aleya paced nervously in her room.
Three hours are left now. What shall I do? No. I must reach a decision. Dibhai… dibhai… this is indeed maddening. Keep your calm Aleya…Is it possible? Is this going to be a sane decision? Nineteen years is not a matter of joke. Nineteen years … nineteen!!! Aleya frowned, as she tried to recapitulate.
She, absentmindedly, pulled out an exercise copy lying beneath a heap of books and copies on the wooden table. A pen was also lying nearby. Nice… she thought. Her elder daughter Ishani, might think it is ‘uncool’ of mamma to write a letter and not send an e-mail. Not that mamma has any knowledge about handling that machine… so e-mail will be a farfetched idea, nonetheless.
What shall I write? Where shall I start? And, will it end?
Seconds and minutes are passing by. Closer to a new- found strangeness! Or is it…
Aleya prepared to write .
“Dear Ishani…” Aleya scratched it off. No. Dibhai, it will be you.
“Dear Dibhai…” Aleya’s fingers felt numb. No . I will tell you everything dibhai.
* * * * * * * * * *
Dear dibhai,
By the time, this letter reaches you, you will have been crying or maybe even dumbfounded . You may even have lodged an F.I.R. in your heart , against your sister , alleging serious betrayal. I do not know how to go on about this but I must tell you everything within this short span of time. I have got some 2 hours before I can stop this writing.
Where shall I start? Ishani and Rhea , are in school and so is Arka . You know what dibhai, today I have caressed them, much more than I usually do. They mean the world to me. But they might be soon be led to think that their mamma is selfish and even horrible!
But I know , they will understand me later on.
Dibhai, even though you are aware of all the mishaps of my life, yet I shall tell you , rather remind you of all that took place till now.
Baba. Himself looked for our grooms just after we graduated. Yours was two years earlier , and mine, two years afterwards.
The Sengupta family is known for its conservative ideals. I , too, was of the impression, that baba will surely get me a prince. The prince of my dreams. And so I refrained myself from falling in love. It sounds funny! Putting reigns on your heart, is not an easy task di … god knows how you did it! Are you really in love with Suryada, your husband of twenty –two years, now? Is he your first and the last love? Di… ask yourself. Have you deprived yourself of the thing which we all crave for?
Yes. Rimi maybe the impediment.
Now Aleya is selfish to even think of leaving her children behind! Dibhai, I have tried . I did it for all these years. I followed what others used to say , and that too , quite blindly.
Ronodeep might be a doting dad to his daughters , but …as a husband…? Dibhai , you know it, don’t you?
All those moments I have spent – blood trickling down from my forehead, my housecoat torn apart and hanging from my body, just like that.
You had told me that, it happens. It happens , only to be healed. It happens in every other household. We should adjust and try our very best to keep the family in place.
And I kept things together, as much as I could.
I have spent , nights lying on the floor, half-naked, with bruises on my lips, cheeks cut wide open. And the following morning, I have stood up again and have done my everyday chores.
Rhea, has often sat beside me, caressing me, muttering ,” Mamma, we are with you, we love you. Let it be. Won’t you talk with dad again…?”
But I have loved Rono , no matter how , he humiliated me in front of his family. I have stood through.
Married barely for three months, I got pregnant. I thought our child is the labor of our love. Notions, dibhai! I know that love-making is far gentler than what we did. But I still used to think, that’s the way with men. Hard and brash…all that machismo. Believe me, Rono is an animal. I felt raped, every time he “made love” to me.
But what could I have done?
I was all this while, the tame wife. All confined within the set boundary. The Indian wife, faithful and yes, also the unpaid maidservant of the household! No! dibhai do not flinch at my words! That’s our position in this society!
It has been a tough decision for me , but I am determined.
Amidst all my misery I have seen a ray of hope…
A few months back I was out shopping for my sister-in-law, Mou’s wedding, at the nearby mall. Here I was climbing the escalator when someone hesitatingly called out my name. I turned around and I could not recognize the face at once. But he said “Look out Aleya…” and I was just in time to save my saree from getting entangled.
I stood in a trance. After all, nineteen years have passed by and yet he has the same old face of a geek , the only change being his hair , which has started greying a bit. Dressed in a pale blue shirt and off -white trousers , he was looking impeccable .
“ Forgotten me , have you?” , he asked.
“No, no… wait… you are Akash ! …how come you are here? …long time! “ , I somehow, could recognize him.
“Ah yes! Quite a long time indeed! But madam, although you seem to be a bit weary, you have not lost your charm!”
“ Oh really! Thanks.. But i thought you were settled in Ohio…. I do not remember who told me that, but…”
“yes.. I was settled out there . but now I have again shifted my base here. There is a lot to talk about …shall we sit somewhere? If you have time… that is…”
“Oh yes! Definitely…!”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
And dibhai, this was it. It was like a whiff of fresh air. A college mate. True to his geekish looks , he was the topper in our department. I had heard that having completed his PhD, he had got the the offer to teach at the Ohio University itself. He had been there for almost twelve years when he decided to return to India on a ‘noble mission’!
He has set up an NGO , “Educate” , that aimed to educate the backward, under-privileged children in the rural areas.
Dibhai, he told me how his NGO works. And I , honestly found it too interesting. The number of students are increasing, almost every month. Akash is just so amazed with the growing popularity of his NGO.
It is like his own baby that he has given birth to. And he is watching it grow up …the baby that he is tending with much love and care. This is his life, this is his soul.
A dream that he has nurtured for years. And don’t u think that if a person is a part of such a dream, his or her life, has then actually attained its meaning! I just could not help but start dreaming about being a part of “Educate” since then.
His poor motherland cannot afford to provide education to each and every human being. Why , it is not only his …OUR motherland is indeed poor . Education is expensive. Not everyone’s cup of tea , right? Here people are barely able to feed themselves, forget getting themselves educated. Some ridiculous quota system has helped only a fraction of the population in our country. There are people who fall within this quota, who have quiet well -to -do families.
Oh ! But who is listening? There are millions reeling under poverty …well they do not have the faintest idea what the government is all about. Feeding on leaves , and god knows what else, they spend their days. Education is a luxury for them.
What are the billionaires doing dibhai? I do not have much idea, honestly.
Am I surprising you dibhai? With my words? Is it that you are thinking that this Aleya is quite unknown? Yes , even I am quite surprised. But nonetheless I am glad to have found a sunnier side of my miserable life. We are so confined within our boundaries… our little homes… our children…our chauvinist husbands…our lives…our enjoyments. Oh ! Only OURS and OURS! Nothing about “them”… nothing is to be theirs??
Yes I have been meeting Akash for quite some time now. Yes , that too without Rono’s knowledge. I do not want to know if this is right or wrong. It is not solely the woman’s responsibility to abide by the right and the wrong. And that, this right and wrong conceptions, are just so relative by nature.
I am a woman. And above all , a human being . I do not feel ashamed of dreaming . Dreaming for a GREATER CAUSE.
Dibhai, Akash knows about my plight. My status, back home. And he has lent me a helping hand. He has provided me with the courage to brave my family and embrace something which will eventually make me happy.
I have already started teaching the children. Yes, I did not have the guts to tell anyone. But I know what I want from my life. No I am not insane. And I wish to devote myself fully to “Educate”. The feeling of self-respect which I lacked forever, is now brimming to the edge.
Those children have already started calling me “Aleya mashimoni” and Akash relates to me how their eager faces lose their brilliance when they hear that their “mashimoni” would not be able to teach for a particular day, for some reason!
But their mashimoni will now permanently ,be with them. Akash will be waiting at the bus stand with his car. I have packed up my things. I am going out dibhai. I am going out , to the world that is beckoning
me. Ishani, Rhea and Arka will miss their mamma , and so will she. She loves them very much. But she is tired. She is hurt.
A break. Freedom .
And herein lies my freedom.
The sky above and Akash … quite sufficient to prove myself. They are all waiting for Aleya.
The little faces will be lit up again.
Tears are rolling down my cheeks. The letters might get blurred now.
I love you dibhai. Hope you will be with me in my sojourn. At least as my support.
I want my own children to have their minds free from all sorts of prejudices. I want them to be human beings in the real sense. Let them not be confined within narrow spaces.
Yours ,forever loving Aleya.
