This time I’m going to tell you another story about me. You may have recalled from our earlier conversations that I was a wild thing that time. Drinking and smoking all the time. You may have remembered my party nights. The times when my mother wouldn’t be at home and I would call my friends for a stay over. We would drink till dawn. Beer, rum or whiskey with chicken. By hell you would remember. And then my smoking habits. You are well aware of it I guess. Two packs a day was a must. I always insisted on the fact that I only drink on occasions but again occasion was what we did. They came without knocking and we drank to it.
But you know, I was not like this from the start. I was a bright student at school. I got 9.4 CGPA in tenth standard and a consistent 93.4 in my twelfth standard. From day one of my school I was taught to excel. So I did. From classes two to sixth I was the undisputed number one in my school. Took part in every quiz, every debate, skits and all. Teachers really cared about me you know. My parents too. I was the apple of everybody’s eyes. There was a notion that I would do something really big someday.
But I had some other plans. To there dread. My mother wanted me to take biology in my HS. But I didn’t care about her. I took up CS. My father has never wanted anything. That’s the main reason that we are so distant. He never wants anything. He is always happy for me with anything. He doesn’t have a say in any of my decisions or in that case in any decision at all. He is so happy go lucky type of person. In my perspective, he is incompetent. Sorry… I know its too heavy a word but I think what I think. And then there’s my mom. Having to interfere in all of my decisions which I don’t like at all.
So where I was? Yeah, the animal in me. After HS when I got admitted to this college and started living in the hostel. I got a taste of freedom for all of it. I started looking at everything from a new point of view. I studied, but not for marks. I started pursuing new things, like writing, music. You won’t believe, but I’ve never been into music before. I was so much into studying, so much pressure from my parents that I never got a chance to taste something else in my life. So when I came to know that only studying is never gonna do me any good in life, I started despising my family even more. I started to think of them as fools, as half wits. That’s why I rarely called my mother, leave alone my father, he was far away anyway and I never respected him. So I started off with smoking, with drinking. I wanted to enjoy the life for what it was after all. So it started to break bad inside me. I thought what I was doing was right.
But no. I was totally wrong the whole way. You know what? After coming so close to you, I’ve learned something. Something very deep.
First and foremost respecting my family. I’ve learnt to value what they gave. After all, my mother labored for me to get into this world. And my father is still laboring in a far away land, fighting off the dread to his life, to feed us and to keep us comfortable. I’ve grown to respect the family. The life they gave me. Secondly, I’ve started to respect me. And my work for that matter. I’ve learnt that I’ve got only one life. So, why waste it on booze and weed. I want to do something big. I mean, something really big and important. So, its my duty to mend my ways to the proper. Thirdly, I’ve learnt that we can’t remove our inner monsters forever. But they can be trained to be tamed. The soul thing I’m doing now. Training my senses to see everything for what it is. To see the logic without being swayed by emotions. Emotions like anger and jealousy dulls your senses. And I don’t want that to happen with me throughout my journey in search of the true knowledge. The proper education and the proper skills. So, for the time being I’m keeping this animal inside the cage, tamed for the good.
And hey!!! I love you